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“Lou likes him, too?”
“Who can tell with that one? I think he’s too busy trying to figure out what he’s missing out on to realize what he has.”
“So much drama!”
“I feel like I’m living in a gay soap opera,” he said with a smirk.
“Well, I’m ready for my close-up,” I said knowing the role I was playing.
“I didn’t mean you.”
“Yeah, you did. And, that’s fine. I get it.”
“I just think you two could be happy together.”
“Maybe we could be,” I admitted realizing it for the first time. “But, how about we start with game night,” I said with a smile.
By the time I left Quin, I was in a really good mood. I had missed him a lot. I couldn’t wait to reconnect with everyone I had met through him and Nero.
However, a strange thing happened. As soon as I thought about Nero and me being together, I felt a clench in my chest. I hadn’t felt this before. Of course, I had also never truly considered the two of us being together.
Sure, there was hardly a day when I didn’t imagine having sex with him. I also thought about the warmth and safety I felt lying in his arms. But opening up and showing him my heart? Making myself vulnerable? Giving him the power to hurt me like the others had?
Maybe I had put distance between Nero and me out of fear. If that was the case, could I change things even if I wanted to? Not only would I have to fight my own resistance, but hadn’t I succeeded at pushing him away. Hadn’t Nero moved on?
Realizing that I might have lost him for good sent a wave of fire through me. I had really messed things up. What was I supposed to do now?
When I was back in my room, I stared at my phone. I wanted to call Nero. I needed to hear his voice. Could I, though? On the other hand, why shouldn’t I?
I found his number and was about to dial it. I stopped. I couldn’t. It was too much. It would be too scary.
‘Good luck on your game this weekend,’ I texted him instead.
His reply came immediately.
‘Thanks! It’s a big one.’
‘You’re gonna crush it. I know you will.’
There was a pause.
‘If you want, I’ll win it for you,’ he eventually wrote.
I stared at the words. How was I supposed to respond to that? As a counselor, I knew what I should say. I should tell him that he should win it for himself. But, I didn’t want to.
‘Win it for me,’ I wrote back before I realized what I was writing.
‘Anything for you,’ he replied followed by a smiley face that melted my heart.
My skin tingled rereading his words. My insides were a tornado of sensations. Fear. Joy. Apprehension. I wanted to escape into the night and run to him. I felt everything.
This was what I had been afraid of from the moment I met him. What if he pushed me away now? How would I survive it with my defenses down? I don’t think I could. What was I supposed to do?
I didn’t sleep for a second that night. I could barely sleep the night after that. I was exhausted and yet I wasn’t tired.
It was like I had been chugging Red Bulls. My heart pounded like it would explode. The only thing that gave it any relief was when Quin texted telling me game night would be Sunday.
‘Are we gonna watch Nero’s game? Isn’t that Saturday?’
