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Behind my locked door, I collapsed onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. I felt so lost. I had to do something, didn’t I? I couldn’t just lay here hoping everything would workout. Didn’t self-reliant people take action? Didn’t they anticipate what would happen next and prepare for it?
Paralyzed, I laid there for more than an hour considering what I should do. I knew that Dillon would help me if he could, but that wasn’t our relationship. I was the one who had adopted him. Dillon had been the son of my favorite housekeeper. After my parents arranged a play date, I decided that he would get the life I wished I had.
When he graduated from high school, I convinced my father to start a scholarship program and then made sure that he got it. I also made sure that his dorm room at college was furnished with everything he would need. The scholarship included spending money so he didn’t have to get a job, and he got a clothing allowance so he could find a great guy and have a happy life.
I didn’t do this because I wanted anything from him. He is my friend. I just want him to be happy. I’m sure that he would help me now if he could. But he was in New Jersey, and I knew the exact amount in his bank account. Asking Dillon for help wasn’t an option.
Hearing a knock on the door I snapped out of my downward spiral. Quickly pulling myself together, I sat up. It had gotten dark since I had laid down. Scrambling to my feet, I flicked on a light.
“Yes?” I said, suddenly face to face with Cali’s chiseled cheekbones.
“I was wondering if you’re gonna be checking out soon?” he said with an unmistakable weight on his shoulders.
I didn’t want to burden him with my trivial problems. He had enough to deal with thanks to me.
“Yes. Of course. I guess I just lost track of time.”
“It’s just that there’s someone scheduled for this room, and I still have to clean it…”
“I understand.”
“If you need more time…”
“No. I don’t have much. I can be out in a few minutes.”
Instead of replying, his gaze rolled over me. It gave me a warm feeling that settled deep inside of me. Tightening his lips, he gave me a nod and returned downstairs.
Well, this was it. I was going to have to make a decision. Tossing the few things I had into my bag, I took a last look at myself in the mirror and left the room.
“I’m out,” I told Cali when I found him in the kitchen.”
“Okay, thanks,” he said, scurrying up to the room behind me.
With nowhere to go, I joined the guests in the living room. It was a comfortable space. The furniture had pictures of birds on the upholstery. There was an ornately designed throw rug under the coffee table in front of it and shelves surrounding the space with books and knickknacks from around the world.
I wondered how it was to grow up in a place like this. It felt like a home filled with love. I knew what that was like. My father was intensely devoted to his family. My mother, my brother, and I were everything to him. It was the rest of the world that had a reason to fear him.
It only took twenty minutes for Cali to return and escort the new guests to their rooms. He looked at me and our eyes made contact for a moment. But that was it. He was busy. I understood. How was he supposed to know what I was going through? Besides, he had real things to worry about.
Thirty minutes later, when he returned to the living room and found that I hadn’t moved, I felt embarrassed. I couldn’t look at him.
“Is everything okay?” he asked me, drawing my eyes to his.
Staring at him, tears welled in my eyes. I was being ridiculous. I knew it. I had options. I had nothing to complain about. But here I was crying while a person who could be losing his mother remained strong.
“I’m sorry. I’ll get out of your hair now,” I said getting up, grabbing my bag, and hurrying to the door.
“Wait. Stop!” he ordered, halting me. Facing away, I couldn’t look at him.
“You don’t have a car. Where are you going?”
“I can call for a ride.”
“If you could do that, you would have already. Do you have anywhere to go?”
“Really, you don’t have to worry about me. How’s your mother?”
When he didn’t answer, I turned to face him. Pain rippled through him.
