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No. I love him in the way that someone does when they want the person to be in their life until they die. I didn’t need to have sex.
Don’t get me wrong, feeling him push into me is going to be what I spank off to for the next few years. It was better than anything I could have dreamed of. But there was more to Claude than what he could do with his body. And that was the part of him that I was in love with.
If I could take back everything that just happened I would. I would need a lobotomy for that, because there was no way I would forget this. But if that was the trade-off to have him as a friend forever, I would do it.
Still, the feeling of him holding me under the stars was incredible. I could hear the waves lightly lapping at the shore. The moonlight cast a faint shadow over everything. And despite there being a cool ocean breeze, his warm body enveloped me like a blanket.
I could enjoy this for at least a few more minutes before I had to bring this to an end. Wait, did I have to bring this to an end? Yes. Yes, I definitely had to bring this to an end.
“We should probably go,” I told him – like a crazy person.
When Claude spoke, he sounded confused.
“Okay.”
Was he now regretting what he did and rethinking ever having come to Florida? Probably. Claude was straight. Or, at least mostly straight. There was no way what had happened was anything more than an experiment. And whereas I would have loved to be that experiment while we were in university, after experiencing life without him for two years, I no longer wanted to risk it.
“Did you not want to go?” I asked, nervously wondering if this was where I was going to lose him.
“No, we should go,” he said with more resolve.
When he unwrapped his arms from around me, I felt naked. More than that, I felt awkward and cold. As we both found our clothes and shook the sand out of them, I peeked over at Claude. He looked as stoic as ever. How did he make stoic look so hot? It was enough to make me hard again.
But no, I couldn’t go there. Not tonight. Not ever again. And I had to spend whatever time he gave me before disappearing again making up for what just happened.
Dressed and packed, we headed back up the beach and into the woods.
“You didn’t happen to bring a flashlight, did you?” He asked me as we entered the darkness.
“I brought candles,” I reminded him, hoping it would excuse my obvious oversight.
“I liked the candles. It was a good choice,” he said cheerfully, making me feel a little better.
Not wanting to relight the candles for fear of having to face what I had done, we slowly found our way to the wooden path and back to our car.
“You chose a good spot. That was nice. Thanks,” he said in a tone that told me that he was going to pretend we hadn’t done what we had.
That was good. It would give me more time before he couldn’t pretend anymore and he ran off, never speaking to me again.
With the drive back to my place being incredibly quiet, I had a lot of time to think. Did I say think? I meant panic about every breath he took that wasn’t perfectly calm and measured. Perhaps if we could get through tonight without the shit hitting the fan, I could salvage this.
“I guess we should go to bed,” he said as we stood in my living room. “Back to practice tomorrow?”
“Yep, back to the grind… I mean practice,” I said, hearing what I had said. “We’re going back to practice tomorrow… our schedule.”
It was official, I had forgotten how to speak.
“Okay. Sounds good.”
Of course it sounded good to him. It would mean that he wouldn’t have to deal with what we just did. He could ignore it. I mean, not that it was a bad thing. As soon as he could forget it, we could get back to rebuilding our relationship.
“Soooo…,” Claude said, looking at the couch.
“It’s not that comfortable, is it?” I admitted, woefully.
“It’s fine. It’s more comfortable than a few beds I’ve slept on. It’s just small.”
“I mean, you could sleep in my bed if you want. But, you should know that I snore.”
