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“Convenient, how?”
“You know, if you don’t want to admit to who you are or be thought of as ‘one of those people’, you can just say, ‘I don’t believe in labels’. That way you get all of the benefits of the struggle without having to claim any of the bad stuff.”
“I see,” he said, trying to hide being upset.
This annoyed me.
“Okay, Claude, I know your whole thing is not talking about stuff, but let’s not right now.”
“We should probably leave,” he said, referring to the restaurant.
“No. We should stay here and talk about this.”
Claude stared into my eyes, withdrew cash, placed it on the table, and left. He was upset, so of course, I ran after him.
“So, you’re just gonna walk away?” I asked as I followed him down the street. “After everything that’s gone on between us, you still can’t have a simple conversation about how you feel about me?”
Claude swung around angrily.
“You know how I feel about you?”
“How? You never talk about it.”
“You know what we did. Do you think I just do that with anybody?”
“How would I know? You’ve never told me. You don’t tell me anything. ‘No labels’ isn’t just your identity. It’s your way of life.”
“Well, I’m sorry I’m such a pain in your ass. If you want me to, I’ll go.”
“What the fuck, Claude? I ask you to tell me something about yourself, and you threaten to leave me?”
“I wasn’t threatening to leave you,” Claude insisted.
“Well, it sure sounded like it from here,” I said, shaking from his threat.
Claude paused and looked at me. I was trembling. I wished I was strong enough not to, but I was. Feeling naked in front of him, I was raw. If he had left me there, I would have been destroyed. I knew it. There were only so many blows I could take.
As he wavered, my heart broke. I was about to fall to my knees when his large, strong arms wrapped around me.
“I don’t want to leave you,” he whispered into my ear. “I never did. I never want to again.”
“Then why did you?” I asked with tears soaking his shirt.
“I don’t know. What you said hurt so much.”
“I’m so sorry I said that, Claude.”
“I know you are.”
“Then, why won’t you forgive me?”
Claude remained silent.
“Why won’t you, Claude?”
“I don’t know. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be here.”
“I just want you to open up to me.”
