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“So, I’ve been practicing all summer for nothing?”
I stared at him without an answer.
“I don’t get it. Why did he change his mind?”
“Because I was a terrible boyfriend,” I admitted. “He thinks I have feelings for you, and he’s doing this to hurt me.”
Claude backed into the couch and fell onto it. Closing his eyes, he put his hands on his forehead, trying to fight off his frustration.
“I’m sorry, Claude. I’m so sorry.”
“What do we do now?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do I just leave?”
“No!” I said louder than I had intended. “I mean, I can think of something. I’m not going to let you down. I’ll figure a way out of this.”
We didn’t say much more to each other for the rest of the night. Lying in bed, he didn’t hold me. He had every night since we had begun sleeping together, but not tonight.
I didn’t sleep at all. Instead, I spiraled, thinking about what I could possibly do. By morning, I had something. It was a long shot, but it was a chance.
As soon as I heard him stir, I presented it to him.
“You have to take me to this year’s Hall of Fame game,” I informed him.
Claude’s tired eyes fought to focus on me.
“I know what all of those words mean. Yet I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Claude replied in his froggy morning voice.
“You are familiar with the Hall of Fame game, right?”
“Yeah, it’s the pre-season game they play on the weekend of the NFL Hall of Fame ceremony.”
“Right. And this year one of the players being inducted is someone who played for the Cougars before Papa got there. That means that the Cougars are going to have to play the Hall of Fame game. And since I haven’t been fired yet, it means I will have to attend and go to the ceremonies. You have to come with me.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Claude said hesitantly.
“What? Scared that if people see you with me, they’ll think you’re gay? Instead of, ‘I’m too masculine to have a label,’ or however you identify?” I asked, exhausted from lack of sleep.
“No, of course not.” Claude perched himself on his elbow to look at me. “Do you think I give a shit about what people think I am?”
“Yeah, I do. If you didn’t, you would have given me some reassurance that I wasn’t barking up the wrong tree by letting myself feel something for you.”
“Merri, you’re not barking up the wrong tree. Where is this coming from?”
“I just…” I caught myself and got back on course. “Look, you have to come with me to the Hall of Fame game because there will be a lot of agents there. If I can present you to them in the right way, we can get another invite to the showcase.”
Claude looked at me speechless, then shook his head, reversing course. “I need to go back to something. Why would you think you’re barking up the wrong tree?”
“Why would you say that going with me was a bad idea? You didn’t even take a second. It was like you didn’t want to be seen with me.”
“Merri, I didn’t think it was a good idea because you keep doing these things that make me think that I matter to you, but when I ask you to do something that proves it, you make me feel like garbage for it.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked confused.
“I kissed you, and then you said you didn’t want to talk about it. We had a really good time on the beach and then you immediately said that we should act like it didn’t happen. You know, I used to think that I was the one preventing anything from happening between us. But I’m not the one running from it. You are.
