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This is the part where he lays me back and tells me how hot I am, how he can’t stop thinking about me.
Instead, he drags in a deep breath. “You’re probably right about Wayne. I, ugh, he’s going through a tough time right now at his shop and if you and I were to get together, it would be a mess for him to figure out.”
I want to snap and ask him why he’s woken me up to tell me this, but he continues.
“That said, I’m lying in bed and all I can think about is how you felt in my arms.”
My toes curl. “What?”
“You aren’t denying that everything tonight with you and I felt…perfect,right?”
“No. I’m laying here thinking the same thing, but it doesn’t change things, Bodie.”
“Okay,” he reaches for my hand, swallowing me up beneath his rough palm, “so what if I look for a job out here? Balsam Creek Lodge is hiring. They need a general manager. I’ve been looking for the past hour and I saw a really great ranch for sale on the north side of the mountain. It wouldn’t be but a ten-minute drive from the lodge. We could move up there, get some horses, drive in the—”
“What? Bodie… what are you even saying? Are you drunk?”
He stands and paces the room. “No! I’m not drunk. I’m in love with you, Poppy. I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember, and tonight was the first time in a long time that I felt like myself. The first night I felt like I was doing something that gave me a spark… something to work towards that I really want.”
My mouth opens and closes again. “We talked about this, though. Wayne and—”
Bodie’s hand lands on my cheek. “What if we don’t do this? Then what? I see you every holiday, every trip back, wishing and hoping I could touch you, knowing what we could be, but never even tried?”
“You see me when you see me, and we act normal like normal people act.” I don’t know if that’s possible, but it feels like something I should say.
Bodie leans in toward me. “You’re really okay with not knowing what this could be?”
“No!” I shout. “I, ugh, I don’t know. Sometimes people love each other but life gets in the way, you know?”
He looks away and stands from the bed. “I shouldn’t be stressing you like this. I’m sorry. I know you only have your brother. I don’t want to—”
“That’s the thing, Bodie. I do have him… but that moment,” I drag in a few staggard breaths, “I’ll remember the way you touched me tonight, forever. Every single second of it. Your hands, your heart, this necklace. You’re all I’ve ever wanted and not pursuing you is probably the biggest mistake of my life, but I can’t hurt Wayne like this. He’s taken care of me forever.”
He turns back toward me and sits on the edge of the bed. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“What’s there to say? You’re twenty years older than me, and your best friends with my brother. Why didn’tyousay anything?”
He nods his head. “Same reason, probably.” His weight shifts on the mattress and his hands reach out for mine again.
My entire being is aching for him, and I want reprieve. I want his hands on mine, his teeth on my skin, his everything all over me. It’s like I can’t see anything else, like there’s no other option. “So what do we do, Bodie?”
“What if we take these moments and we appreciate them? What if we allow this, these seconds together, these small moments that are inconsequential to anyone else’s life but mean the world to us, to continue?”
I laugh. “So… we lie? We get all wrapped up in each other and then we lie?”
He sighs. “I don’t want to lie, Poppy, but I don’t want to lose you more.” His mouth crashes into mine and his hand weaves through my hair.
Inch by inch, he follows the curve of my frame with his big hand, touching me as though he’s never touched another woman, as though he never wants to again. I can’t satisfy him in the shadows, in secret. He’ll find someone else who he can see in the daylight. They’ll fall in love, and I’ll be old news. I’ll just be the girl who couldn’t say yes.
“You’ll go back to the Springs, and you’ll meet somebody, and I can’t do this. I’ll worry every second of every day that you’re messing around with someone and I—”
His finger tips under my chin as he draws my gaze up toward his. “You are all I want. No one else compares to this… to you. Do you hear me?”
I nod, but I’m not sure I do. Bodie is exceptional, and I know what it’s like to be surrounded in his presence. He’s everything. Most women would do anything for a chance with a guy like him. Eventually, he’ll give up on us, and there’ll be a train of ladies waiting.
“But what if this is just a phase? You’ll get sick of me, the novelty will wear off, and we’ll be two people who made a mistake.”
“Is that what this is to you,a novelty? It’s not a novelty to me. I’d take you forever right here and now if you’d let me. Hiding in the shadows is a compromise. I move out here, and we meet up when we can. Maybe that’s all this ever is, or maybe we will figure out a way to make it work. But living without you… I can’t do that. I can’t live in a world where you exist and I’m not with you in some capacity.”
