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“He’s a happy baby.”
“He is. He hardly ever gets upset or cries. There’s almost always a smile on his face.”
I stared at my son, feeling so many conflicting emotions. I loved him with every fiber of my being yet I felt cheated by the things I would never get to experience with him. The first few months of his life would always be lost to me.
“Hey…” Toyin said softly. Rafe was sitting in her lap so I lifted my eyes from his and found hers filled with concern. “What’s wrong?”
“What did I miss…” I glanced down again. “With him?”
The pain flickered in her eyes. Pain for me because she understood what I was dealing with.
“I know you can’t tell me every little thing, but I want to know as much as you’re willing to share.”
“I’ll tell you whatever you want to know, Xander but I can also let you see it…” She hesitated. “If…if you want but you’ll have to trust me.”
Magic.
My angry glare met her hesitant one and she tightened the hold on our son. “Never mind, I was just…”
“How, what do you have to do?”
No matter how angry I was with Toyin for using magic the one night we were together, I understood why she’d done it. Our desperation to be together was the same. However, I knew all the reasons we couldn’t be. I didn’t completely trust her but I was also sure she wouldn’t do anything to harm me. If she could give me memories of my son, things I’d missed, then I wanted them. I would let her in.
“I can share my memories with you. It’s actually quite simple.”
I frowned hard and she added, “I’m only sharing my memories. I won’t have insight into yours nor will I be able to change anything. I’m giving you access to mine. Consider it opening a one sided portal.”
Sounded easy enough but…
“That’s all. Nothing else changes.”
“No, that’s all but you don’t have to. I can tell you…”
I quickly shook my head. “No, do it.”
“Give me your hand.”
I lifted my hand and extended it across the table. She slipped her palm into mine.
“Close your eyes.”
I tensed and glanced around the café. It was small, quiet, and damn near empty. She smiled softly. “You can keep them open but I have to close mine. If it doesn’t work…”
“No, I can do it. How long will it take?”
“Not long, the memories will flood your mind fast, but they’ll stay and become a part of you. You’ll recall them the same as I do. You won’t know everything that’s there but if you think of certain things the memories will surface. Things that remind you of what I’ve experienced with him. Like when you smell lavender, you’ll think of his bath time and see those memories. That’s how it works. You can also say certain things in your mind, like thinking of the day he was born, and you’ll remember. It’s not an exact science but it’s a lot better than me just telling you. The memories will be yours and you’ll experience them like you were there.”
“Okay…” I gripped her hand tighter and watched as she closed her eyes. I kept my eyes on her until she began mumbling phrases I didn’t understand then the sudden urge to close my eyes took over. My palms felt warm and the warmth traveled up my arm to my spine then flashes started to fill my head. Things I knew I hadn’t experienced but could see clear as day.
Toyin in my cabin. She was in pain and Jo was with her, whispering encouraging words, brushing damp hair from her face. I saw the minute Rafe was placed in her arms. Toyin cried and my chest tightened. I saw her lying next to him in an apartment that looked like the ones in our building. He smiled as he lay on his back, kicking his little feet while she sang to him.
It was like watching a live photo stream of her life and his. Then I felt an overwhelming sadness when images of Toyin curled up in the bed, crying, shifted into my view. She snatched her hand away and my eyes shot open. Hers fluttered and blinked like she was struggling to focus but a cautious smile surfaced right after.
“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
I frowned and she smiled more prominently. She had to be aware of what I’d seen because when I opened my mouth to ask, she shook her head.
“It was hard…” she said quietly. “Doing this without you. It was difficult at times but it wasn’t always like that.”
