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I made my way back downstairs and returned to the kitchen to pour myself another cup of coffee.
I wasn’t certain if letting Ryan spend time with Henry so soon was a good idea, but I couldn’t bring myself to pull the two apart when my son was enjoying himself so much.
He didn’t have much experience interacting one-on-one with men apart from my dad.
For him to be able to hang out with his own father…I squeezed my eyes shut and tamped my rising emotions down.
I was getting ahead of myself.
I needed to reign it in and remember it was one day.
They were spending just a little bit of time together.
It didn’t mean anything.
I wasn’t giving Ryan permission to be a permanent fixture in Henry’s life. I wasn’t forgiving him for anything that had happened between us. It was simply a playdate, nothing more than that.
At the end of the day, as long as Henry didn’t know who Ryan really was, nothing had to change.
Everything was going to change.
That inevitable truth had become clear as day to me by that afternoon.
Henry adored Ryan, and I was rather surprised at how good Ryan was with the little boy. He was patient and kind. Gentle, but still fun.
When Henry had begged me to let Ryan stay longer after they’d finished the tour of his bedroom, I hadn’t been able to tell him no.
At that moment, I was sitting on my back porch swing, watching as the two played baseball with Henry’s little, plastic bat and matching ball set.
Ryan had set up bases for them to run around and was teaching Henry how to play the actual game. It was so sweet, and I couldn’t help but smile as I sat back and observed them.
The back door of my house suddenly opened, and my mom walked out onto the porch.
“Oh, hey,” I said, surprised. “I didn’t realize you came back.”
“I just thought I’d pop over and see how things were going,” she replied, sitting down next to me. She looked out at Henry and Ryan and smiled softly before turning her gaze back to me. “Are you okay?”
Surprised, I looked at her with a furrowed brow. “Huh? What do you mean? I’m great.”
She gave me a look that I’d seen plenty of times growing up. It was indulgent, but she was making it clear that she didn’t believe me.
“I’m your mother,” she said. “I can tell when something’s on your mind.”
A part of me wanted to confide in her. To confess everything and be done with it, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words out loud.
“I suppose it’s just weird having Ryan around again.” I shrugged, aiming for nonchalance. “It’s been so long.”
My mom nodded. “Yes, it’s been a very long time. I always wondered what kept him from coming home throughout all these years. Has he told you anything about that?”
I shook my head. “Nope, hasn’t said a thing.”
She didn’t seem to entirely buy that, either, but she didn’t linger on the matter, thankfully.
“I’m sure it was a shock, coming home to find you and Henry. To find you so grownup and doing so well on your own.”
I gave her a cautious look. It almost seemed like she was implying something.
Had she put everything together and figured out who Ryan really was to Henry? I watched her out of the corner of my eye, looking for any indication that she knew. She was impossible to read, though, and didn’t give me any indication one way or another.
