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ChapterOne
Tara
“Oh, my god,” my sister Cynthia says as she walks into the room with her hand over her mouth and a tear in her eye. “You look stunning.”
I yank up my wedding dress, sprint across the room, and slam the door closed.
She jerks her head back in surprise as I grab two fistfuls of her bridesmaid dress and yank her to an inch from my face. “You have to get me out of here!” I screech. I can hear the panic in my voice. My eyes are wild and unblinking. My heart is pounding so hard it’s vibrating through my chest. I need to get the fuck out of here. Now!
“Whoa whoa whoa,” she says softly as she puts a gentle hand on my shoulder, trying to calm me down. My grip tightens so hard my knuckles are burning. “You have to breathe, Tara. You’re just nervous.”
She doesn’t understand. Ican’tdo this. Iwon’tdo this.
This wedding isnothappening.
“Just let me go,” she says with a hint of worry in her voice. “You’re going to tear my dress.”
She tries to gently ease my hands off of her, but they’re clenched on tight.
“Let go, Tara!” she says as she tries harder to pry my fingers off. “What are you doing?!”
I let go of her and start pacing around the room like a wild tiger trapped in a small cage. My whole body is as tight as a bowstring, my adrenaline is surging, sweat is pouring down my back. I’m ready to snap.
My sister looks at the closed door as I pace around the room, probably wondering if she can unload her maid of honor duties onto some poor unsuspecting cousin out there.
“These are just wedding day jitters,” she says in a soothing voice. “Perfectly normal.”
“This is notnormal!” I screech as I grab a handful of hair and yank it out of my perfectly coiffed hairdo. She winces as threads of auburn hair come tumbling down.
I’m pretty sure that normal jitters don’t make you feel like the whole world is ending. Like there’s a black hole beside you and you’re desperately trying to stop your soul from getting sucked into it.
“You need to chill,” she says in her big-sister-get-your-head-out-of-your-ass voice. “You’re supposed to be walking down the aisle in like five minutes.”
“I told you, I’m not doing that!”
“You agreed to it!”
“I don’t care!” I shout as I cover my eyes with my hands.
“David is standing at the aisle waiting for you. You’re going to stand him up?”
“Yes!” I shout as I throw my hands in the air. “That’sexactlywhat I’m going to do!”
Cynthia takes a step back. She’s watching me like you’d watch an unhinged lunatic that you’re stuck in an elevator with.
I can’t blame her for that. My jaw is clenched, I have crazy eyes, I’m sweating, and my hair is coming undone. She’s probably wondering why I suddenly turned feral.
“I’m sorry that David is going to be upset,” I say. “Truly, I am. But I barely know the guy!”
“I thought the dates with him went well.”
“Dates?” I say with a deranged chuckle. “Those weren’t dates.”
Cynthia doesn’t know what to do. She keeps looking at the door.
“I better get Mom.”
“No!” I shout as I lunge forward and grab her arm so hard she screams. “You can’t!”
