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My younger brother Oliver bursts out laughing. He drops the tree he’s dragging through the snow and doubles over, holding his ribs.
I roll my eyes as I pick up another log and place it on the chopping block. These two guys are so fucking frustrating.
“Tell me why I built my cabin so close to you pricks?” I ask as I squeeze the ax and then heave it over my head. I exhale hard as I bring it down. It slams into the thick piece of oak with athunkand slices right through it.
“Because you love us,” Michael says with a laugh as he rips the branches off a fallen tree trunk with his bare hands.
“And because you’re too cheap to buy your own land,” Oliver says as he picks up the tree, hoists it onto his shoulder, and comes walking over, trudging through the thick snow.
I’m not too cheap. It’s because this land is perfect. Our parents left us sixty-eight acres of pristine mountain wilderness in Montana. I’d be crazy to turn that down. My grizzly bear loves it. He would be devastated if we moved.
Once we inherited the land, the three Brook brothers each built a cabin tucked away in a little private section of the forest. I can’t see either of my brothers’ cabins from my porch, but I still see them constantly. This mountain is feeling smaller and smaller every day.
“But seriously,” Oliver says as he drops the tree at Michael’s feet. Oliver is dragging the trees over, Michael is stripping the branches, and I’m chopping them up. We can feel a big snowstorm coming on and we’re stocking up on firewood in case we lose electricity for a few days. “You really don’t think you need a mate?”
I shrug. “I think I’ll be fine without one.”
Michael and Oliver smirk at each other.
“It’s true,” I say. “I’m twenty-eight. I’ve been fine until now.”
“And what does your bear have to say about it?” Oliver asks with a grin.
I huff out a breath as I line up another log on the chopping block. My inner grizzly bear has been fine all this time, but I can tell he wants to find our mate. I do too, more than anything, but all of this waiting and worrying and wondering and constant obsessing over this fantasy girl who may not ever come is starting to get to me. I feel like my life has been on pause mode for the past few years while I wait for her to show up.
I want to get on with it already. I want to live my life, even if she’s not in it.
I just want more than this purgatory I’ve been living in. I want to move forward.
My brothers don’t understand. They’re more than happy to wait one hundred lifetimes for their mates to show up.
“My bear does whatItell it,” I say as I split another log in two. “I’mthe one who makes the rules.I’mthe one in charge.”
Michael rolls his eyes as he rips off a thick branch. “Wait until your mate shows up. Then, you’ll find out you ain’t in charge of shit.”
“Yeah,” Oliver says as he heads back to grab another fallen tree. “I’m with Mikey on this one. Giving up waiting for your mate… That’s sacrilege. Being on the lookout for our mates, waiting, saving ourselves, holding our breath—it’s all part of it, man. It’s just going to make it that much sweeter when she arrives.”
“Yeah, well I’m done waiting,” I say as I shove the ax into the chopping block so hard half the blade disappears. “And I’m done with this.”
Michael and Oliver watch me as I storm off into the thick snow.
“We’re not done here!” Michael shouts as I head for the forest. “The storm will be here in an hour!”
I don’t turn around. I just trudge forward as my inner grizzly paces around.
“I guess we’re chopping the rest of the wood ourselves,” Oliver mumbles behind me.
I don’t even care. I’m too frustrated. I’m too amped up.
I talk a big game, saying that I don’t need my mate, but I know as well as my brothers do that it’s all bullshit.
I need her badly.
I’m just so sick of feeling so helpless. I’m tired of waiting for this amazing future that I know is ahead of me and not being able to do anything to make it arrive faster.
It’s torture.
My bear grumbles inside me as I walk under the large canopy of trees. It’s about dinner time and it’s already getting dark. The snowstorm is coming in faster than we’d expected, but I can’t exactly go lock myself in my cabin when I’m feeling like this. I’ll go crazy in there. I’ll tear the place apart.
