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And Riverstilldeserves better than me.
Eight years later, the answer is still the same, and I have to walk away again.
Summoning all the willpower in this world, I pull out of the ravenous kiss that would have taken me over another line with the red-haired beauty.
I release her and take a step back, so she isn’t pressed up against me anymore.
River stares back at me, at first not quite realizing that I’m ending our forbidden encounter, then I notice the moment realization enters her mind. It’s in her eyes. The spark fades, as if someone switched off a light.
“We have to stop now.” My voice sounds like someone else is speaking.
She looks worse for hearing the confirmation of what I’m doing.
“Why?” Confusion clouds her eyes the way it did the day I ended us, yet I still can’t give her an answer.
“We just have to.”
She seems to catch herself and remember that she hates me because she pulls back into the wall.
In the soft glow of the dim light, I can see the pink stain of embarrassment racing down her cheeks.
Quickly, she fixes her dress, covering her breasts and straightening the length back down her legs.
“River—”
“No, don’t explain, please. I have to go anyway.”
She turns, getting ready to flee. Instinct makes me grab her arm and pull her back to me.
“The car will take you home.”
“No, I’ll take a taxi.” She tries to pull away from me, but I hold her tighter, not quite wanting to let her go just yet and leave things like this.
“The car is outside.”
“I’ll be fine to get myself home.”
“River, I…” My voice trails off, and I think of all I want to say. Like that I’ll see her tomorrow at the ballet I booked tickets for us see, or at the very least that I’m sorry.
I don’t apologize for anything, but doing so now doesn’t feel like it would be enough for someone who means so much to me. So, I say nothing more.
With a pained look in her eyes, she stares back at me, waiting for an answer. I know how fucked-up this looks. After all, I was the one who broke up with her, but it’s been clear all night that I still want her.
She waits until it’s just as clear that there’s nothing more to wait for. There’s nothing to expect from me.
I release her and allow her to leave, the sound of her heels on the floor piercing my mind like double-edged daggers.
I watch her go, wishing I could turn back time, but I can’t do that any more than I can fix the past.
All I can do is what I think is right. It’s just a shame that it will always be the wrong thing for me, and I will always be her villain.
* * *
“It’s been a while since the two of us sat down like this,” Grandfather states with an easy grin.
“Long overdue, right?”
“Definitely.”
