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“Forget it.” She waves a hand, and thankfully, bypasses the I told you so that she could very righteously use in the moment. “Listen, you’re sleeping with me tonight, and tomorrow, we can take our time, moving some of my things to the studio.”
“Cass are you sure?” I tilt my head and furrow my brow. When I called her from the car, she not only agreed to let me crash with her for a few days, but had the idea to swap homes until my lease at the studio is up.
“Of course, I’m sure.” She eyeballs me, holding her hand out. “You’re not going to stay in that studio and be reminded of what your fuck-rag ex did to you every time you climb those stairs. Besides, that place doesn’t allow pets, and you need Buster right now,” she points out, and I turn to look over my shoulder to see my little striped baby curiously sniffing around the edges of the carrier opening.
“Okay … thanks” I sigh, exhaustedly. “I’m just going to run down to the car and grab a few things then.” I hike my thumb towards the door and turn without even looking for a response.
The hour drive drained every cell in my body, simply by replaying every meaningful moment of my brief marriage, right up to being handed papers that stated Kaleb wanted to end it. I feel hollow, and everything hurts, which is why I can’t wallow in the aftermath of this last year. I won’t make it out alive. I need to get back to myself, and I know I need to do that by completely separating myself from all of it. That’s why I signed the damn divorce papers and immediately put them in the mail with the provided envelope. Kaleb had to have filed somewhere nearby so they should be getting them tomorrow and can start the proceedings.
When I get outside the building and onto the sidewalk, I walk over to my car that’s parked on the street. After opening the door, I grab two more bags and my phone from the console. After locking the car back up, I set the bags down and slump against it with my phone and pull up my camera roll.
Don’t think, just do it.
Swiping through all my pictures, I don’t even take a second to look at each one that has Kaleb or the two of us in it before deleting. I can’t have those on here, or I’ll be too tempted. I need to eliminate everything to do with my life with him. I know nothing can be done about my memories, but those will ease with the time and lack of reminders. I force myself to drive forward, swipe – delete – repeat, no matter how much I feel tears sting at certain snapshots of us in bed making goofy faces. I bite my lip hard, trying to ward off tears when I come across one where I’m smiling for the camera while Kaleb presses a kiss to my cheek. His eyes are closed in a way that makes him look so peaceful, and I just don’t understand. Before the tears break through, I quickly delete it and move on.
With all the sentimental photos and Kaleb’s phone number deleted, I’ve only one thing left to do for tonight. Swiping and tapping the screen a couple more times, I bring up my mother’s contact and hit the FaceTime option. Crossing my arms and holding my phone out, I wait for her to pick up, and when she does, I bite down on the corner of my lip.
“Hi, sweetheart,” she greets, smiling brightly at first before confusion pulls at the space between her eyes when she takes in my face. “What’s wrong?”
“Hey, Mom,” I sigh shakily. “I’m okay, it’s just… well actually I’m not…”
* * *
Kaleb
I needto get Luna back, that goes without saying, and the only reason I’m not barreling my way down the freeway towards Indianapolis is staring up at me from one of her bank statements. I can’t go to her without finding this out. Something obviously happened to her while I was gone.
Shuffling through more papers that were originally in neat piles, I move onto the side drawers, finding some old junk of mine, photographs, and address books. When I try the bottom left drawer, that’s where I find a few of Luna’s things. There are a few discarded sketches she attempted but never finished by the looks of them. There’s a bag full of colored beads, a few photos of herself with her brother, and some with her friends. Beneath it all, however, is a manila envelope lying flat on the bottom, and I immediately snatch it up.
My heart gives several resounding thuds when I see one word written across the tab: Carter.
Son of a fucking bitch…
The bombs won’t stop dropping, and without the safe haven of Luna here, I can feel my breathing pick up and my nerves going haywire.
I’m about to go off the rails. I can’t seem to calm down for more than a few minutes at a time before I get amped again. I’m headed straight for a heart attack, and I don’t know what to do or who to go to. Everyone I love is officially gone.
Fuck, I don’t have time for more panic attacks.
Luna… be strong for Luna… breathe…
I need to stay grounded while I get through this. I can’t … I have an idea.
Digging my phone out of my back pocket again, I unlock it and go to my camera roll and find a video of Luna and me goofing around. She sits on the tire swing, sticking her tongue out at me as I push her and we joke. I let her smiling eyes and the sound of her laughter remind me that I’m not on the battlefield as I proceed to open the folder.
Inside are more official looking papers. The top two are from NICA where Luna goes to school. I scan the first one to see that it’s a rejection letter – the one the asshole forged to keep her with him, and the second is her actual acceptance letter. Both have the same date.
After shuffling them to the back, I see the next couple of papers are hospital bills. Bingo.
My eyes quickly scan over the bill, looking for anything that might tell me why Luna was there.
“What in the actual…” I trail off to myself as I scan the document up and down again. From top to bottom, I re-read, the words fading in and out of a blur.
2 view X-ray of chest
1 view X-ray of right hand
CT of head and neck
