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But he ignores me, pressing a hard edge question to Romero instead.
“You knew this whole time, ‘Mero?”
Romero dips his head, weighing his words against the aggressive stance of Alvaro, before looking toward Javier who whistles twice sharply. My eyes watch all the hidden guards move from their places and leave us to the privacy of the front yard.
“Yes, I knew, ‘Varo.”
Alvaro lets my hand go and steps closer to Romero but I quickly jump between them. “Stop it right now. We came to talk, not fight.” I look between them angrily. “If either of you tries to hurt the other, I’m fucking gone.”
I actually wouldn’t leave, but the threat works well enough.
“Why didn’t you tell him?” I ask, turning my back on Alvaro and looking up into Romero’s eyes.
He keeps his gaze on Alvaro as he answers me. “I didn’t open it until a year after she was buried, but by that time you had already sought me out. You said you remembered how it felt to hit me? Well, I remember it clearly too!”
He slams his fist to his chest. “Istillfucking feel them, ‘Varo! I believed you when you said it wasmyfault she had killed herself. I almost did the same to myself at the loss of not only you, but in the belief that I had been the one to cause your pain.”
He steps forward, but I place my hands on his chest, stopping him. “I fuckinghatedmyself, ‘Varo. Then when I finally did open the letter and saw that even she knew Marío would be the one to kill her, I hatedyou.”
“Please.” My voice cracks at the raw rage and hurt in Romero’s eyes as he stares at Alvaro. “Please stop, Romero.”
“No, he needs to hear this,Diabla,” he tells me before continuing, his eyes back on Alvaro over my head. “I let you hurt me, take your anger out on me just like myfatherdid because I believed that I had caused your mother to kill herself. I believed the words you said when I bled at your feet.‘You deserve the pain.’Do you remember those words? Do you remember spitting on my broken face as you walked away? I do, and I believed you because Ilovedyou, Alvaro.”
My tears track down my face as I picture his horrible memories, my heart shattering in my chest with each word Romero speaks.
“The only fucking reason I told you now is because I love Vicenta and unfortunately, she loves you. I’ll do anything for her, just like I would have done anything for you—even live with your hate because despite my anger, I couldn’t be the one to tell you that your father murdered your mother.”
I feel the cold air against my back when Alvaro moves away. I turn and see the tears of anger and denial in his eyes just before he spins on his heel.
“Alvaro!” I yell as I begin to chase after him but Romero’s arms around my waist stop me. Still, I scream for him to come back as he reverses down the road and through the gate before leaving my sight.
“He needs time,Diabla.”
I picture Alvaro’s broken cries, his shoulders quaking as he cried in my arms and the vow I made to him. I remember how held me as though I could keep him from breaking to an irreparable point.
“No,” I push out of his arms before taking his face in my hands, “he’s had five years oftime, Romero. Five entire years of pain with nobody to turn to; I won’t be another person to abandon him to his loneliness and sorrow.”
Hurt flashes in Romero’s eyes before he nods. “You mean like me.”
I kiss him softly, my eyes pleading for him to understand. “I know you didn’t do it without reason, but yes. I won’t do that to him. He needs me, Romero.”
He sighs and closes his eyes for a second, as though trying to find the will to say what he feels. When he opens his eyes again, I can see the determination deep in the blue of his eyes, “No, he needsus. Let’s go get him,Diabla.”
TWENTY-NINE
ROMERO
“Sanvalentín” by Humbe
My mind travels back to Natalia’s letter as I begin the long drive down the winding road to the bottom of the mountain. She asked me to keep Alvaro from slipping through my fingers, but I didn’t just let him slip through, I willingly loosened my grip and allowed it to happen. I didn’t put up a fight, didn’t bother to reach out and make amends or try to reach him past his self-hatred…I was angry and I wanted him to hate himself. Even sitting here now, with Vicenta at my side, worrying her bottom lip for the man I swore to ruin, I still feel justified in my anger…but I also feel like a fucking asshole.
As I told him my side of the story and shared my bitter anger with him, I saw flashes of the old Alvaro in his eyes. It was just a few glimpses of the man I once vowed my love to, but it was enough to break off pieces of my resentment. I know he's trying to stay in denial, but he knows me as well as I know him and he can’t fully deny that I spoke nothing but the truth.
Those seconds of seeing the Alvaro I loved in his hate-filled green eyes have me drowning in his brokenness. Now he knows it was neither his nor my fault his mother died, but I can guarantee he’s blaming himself still.
Does he hate what he did to me?
Does he hate how he laid the blame at my feet?
