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She had tried to pretend that didn’t bother her, but it did, more than she wanted to admit. There had always been a lingering doubt about her adoption. Generally speaking, she tried not to entertain it. What was the point?
But still she couldn’t help wondering, when Uncle John and his wife Bev adopted her, had it really been purely out of love? It was true that taking care of her new shifter siblings had set her up with the skill set that landed her here. She had essentially helped raise those cubs. But what if that was the whole reason they had adopted her? Of course not, she was family, she would tell herself, but the doubts still at her at times.
Would they have taken her in at all if they didn’t need her to care for the kids? They were both consumed by their business and worked full-time.
She knew they appreciated her help, but she couldn’t help think at times that that was all they wanted her for. To help with the boys. The cubs. What if it was never about her? She was always trying to help smooth over the boys’ roughness. Her adopted parents had been so overwhelmed. Their business was built on trade with shifters and it seemed work was all they did. What if they just saw her as a way to free up their time? Had she just been part of their business plan?
She had learned a lot about caring for kids and it had been the natural next step, so she had become a nanny. It was easy, it started with babysitting and with no money for college, it just sort of evolved. But it was a career that really did end, over and over again, when kids hit a certain age. She was only twenty-eight, but already she had been through what, five or six families. They wanted her help until they didn’t want it anymore. Shehadbeen kicked out of every job she’d ever had, just as a natural part of the process. Or sometimes, for no reason. She was just hired help after all. It was tough to be dismissed like that, seemingly on a whim. Every time she felt like she had had to abandon a little piece of her heart with the kids. They probably felt the same, not that she would ever know.Or maybe they just forget you entirely, the moment you leave.
And here she was again, the nanny.
This. Is. Different.But she was having a tough time shaking it.
Okay, enough Winona.
But she couldn’t shake it.
Her skin went cold as her doubt took over. Part of the shock was the contrast to how she’d been feeling just a few short hours ago. She wanted to fight with herself, damnit.I belong here, I do! This is my place, this is my family! It could be my family at least. I’m not ‘just’ a nanny, right?
She sat down with a heavy thump on the edge of her bed. She was totally vulnerable. Vulnerable here, in this house, with a madman on the loose, and vulnerable with a boss that she was in love with. Like a stupid girl.And really? In love? After three days?
Should I quit? Would that fix anything?Her brain was going in circles. And she had a full and crushing realization that she couldn’t go anywhere anyhow. The kids were in crisis and she couldn’t leave them, she was trapped in this house, and she had no idea where she was in the first place.Holy shit. I’ve really done it big this time.And would he really let her go if she did insist on leaving?
Just then, Bucky and Jaye came running in. “You said you’d only be gone a minute! Come on, let’s play tag! You’re it!” Before she could react they were running away squealing. For a minute, she felt a weight come off her shoulders. Their enthusiasm had cut through her mental noise and her heart swelled.Of course I belong.
She stood up and stretched.
“Right, tag.”
She was about to yell that she was coming after them when she looked up to see Rollo in the doorway with a concerned expression on his face. Despite her earlier upset, she couldn’t help the rise the sight of him brought in her. She felt her pulse quicken. She looked across the room, ready to turn the page on whatever had happened earlier. God, he was hot. That face.That beautifully rugged face. His deep brown eyes, his curly brown hair. I want to rub myself all over every part of him, damnit.
She took a deep breath and waited. He clearly had something he needed to say.Oh good, he came to clear up that tension from breakfast.She nodded at him, encouraging him to speak.
“I need to go. I’m leaving within the hour.”
She felt her heart sink a little. How could she be so dumb and think he’d apologize to her? What had she expected?
“So soon? Really? Do the boys know?”
“I’ve told them. They know what the stakes are, and why I’m leaving them here with you. I have to go. I’m the one who has to track Frederick. He’s made it overwhelmingly personal. I can’t live knowing he’s still out there.”
Winona was torn. Of course he had to go, but he just seemed so different.So cold.Was she supposed to comfort him? When he was leaving again, and she was stuck, confined in this house? Just the night before he had been so warm and loving, and now she was unsure if she should even go to him. The kids needed her now, that was obvious, and she would not go anywhere without them, but would it kill him toaskher? Like, as if she weren’t just an employee?
“Okay, Rollo.” She thought for a minute, she didn’t know what to do.Hedge your bets, that’s what you do.Right.Clearly, he had no intention of talking about before. But he did give you the phone. A million thoughts went through her mind. But one stuck out louder than all the others,You’re just the nanny.Internally sighing, she steeled herself. She had to resign herself to her role, sometime. “Fine. But can you pay me for today as well? Just a wire transfer or PayPal. And I’ll take care of everything here, okay?”
Rollo looked slightly taken aback. His eyebrows were furrowed and he leaned down to look in her eyes.
“Fine, Winona. But right now? Is everything alright? You okay?”
“Yes, of course, just keeping things professional, you know?” she said maybe a little too awkwardly. Whatever. “Good luck out there, okay? I’m sure you’ll get Frederick taken care of. The boys will be fine, the house will keep everyone safe, no need to worry about anything.”
She was feeling irrational and felt like throwing things. But she didn’t want to come totally unhinged. He had enough on his plate, and this wasn’t the time to talk about things.Definitely not.But she must have misinterpreted things last night, right? Since she wasn’t sure of anything, keeping it professional was the safe zone. That was the one thing she knew for sure.
“Fine, whatever. Look, I am heading out the door. If I’d known it was a big deal, I’d have arranged to get you paid for the week. Just give me your details and I will handle it now,” he said hotly.
He didn’t even fight her. Asked to talk about it later. Told heranythingto reassure her she was anything other than a nanny. She had been right. “Thank you,” she said as she scrawled out her email address. “This is all you need.”
“Look, so I am leaving soon, but I just…” He looked like he was about to approach her. Her heart leaped on her chest. Had she been wrong? Was he about to tell her that she meant something to him?
