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“Nova… Nova?” Dr. Loomis cleared his throat, jarring me out of fantasyland. “Long day?” He chortled.
My cheeks heated, and I grinned. More like I’d just been reliving the mind-blowing orgasm Cian had just given me an hour ago while bent over the desk with my hands tied behind my back. I squeezed my legs together at the memory.
“Sorry, yes. Long day.” I sipped on my water and relaxed into the couch. I had been coming to see Dr. Loomis for a few months now. Cian had had him vetted to the extreme to make sure he was on the up and up. Apparently one of the best therapists in the city. I was growing pretty fond of him. Besides the tattoo on his wrist of an anchor with some writing I couldn’t make out, he appeared to be the loving grandpa type, the kind who loved to spend Sundays on his porch drinking tea and playing checkers. “What was the question?”
“Did you speak with Cian regarding the weapons in your home?”
Ah, OK, back to reality. “I did actually.” I nibbled on my bottom lip and crossed my right leg over my left. “Nothing to worry about. He told me what I needed to know.” And it wasn’t something I felt like I needed to share with Dr. Loomis.
Cian had already told me about his time training with Ralph, Orin’s mentor. Ralph had been an Army Ranger and had taught all three brothers, Eros included, everything they would ever need to know to hurt anyone who tried to hurt them. I’d known Cian had been in a dark place when Ryzen had tried to ruin him, but I hadn’t realized the level of revenge Cian had wanted to inflict on Ryzen back then. But I understood, especially now. Cian kept an insane number of weapons in our home, from guns hidden behind secret wall panels, to a parade of knives stored under secret floorboards. He was ready for war, and it made me nervous as fuck. I hated guns. Every time Cian tried to make me use one, I refused. Not my thing. Besides, I was getting pretty good at slashing at targets in close range with my switchblade.
“Very good. I’m glad you guys are communicating. That’s a sign of a healthy relationship.” Dr. Loomis tapped his pen against his lips. “And what about your nightmares? Are you still having them?”
I kept my face as neutral as possible. “Not so much.”
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
“Nova, I’m here to support you and assist on your healing journey. It’s important that you be honest with me.”
God, was he a walking lie detector test? I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes.Healing journey.I fucking hated that term. The only thing that was going to heal me was having Ryzen Goodacre locked up and rotting in prison. Maybe then I could get a decent night’s sleep.
I sighed and hunched my shoulders forward. “OK, well, I was doing pretty good, but I had one last night that freaked me out.” The image of Ryzen chasing me down like a dog was burned into my memory. The fear—the panic—had been too much to handle, even in my dreams. Waking up in a pool of your own sweat practically hyperventilating was never fun either.
“And how do the nightmares make you feel?”
“Out of control. On edge. Afraid that it’s all going to happen again.” I wiped the sweat from my forehead, my fingers trembling slightly. “Every time I have one, it’s like I’m reliving it all over again.”
Dr. Loomis jotted something down in his notepad, nodding his head. “Did something happen that triggered it this time?”
I looked around the room, avoiding his gaze. What was I supposed to tell him? That I thought someone was watching me? Well, not someone. Ryzen. Dr. Loomis would tell me the same thing he always did—that Ryzen was long gone in another country. The second he set foot in the United States, the FBI would find him. I was worried about nothing.
“Nova, this is a safe space. You can tell me anything.” Dr. Loomis crossed his ankle over his foot and peered at me over his glasses.
“I thought someone was watching me. It seemed like—felt like I was being watched.”
“OK. And how did you handle it?”
The rock in my stomach grew bigger, and I let out a pent-up breath. “I went out on my terrace and yelled, ‘Come and get me, asshole!’ at the top of my lungs.” I squeezed my eyes shut, only risking a look at him after a few seconds.
His lips set in a flat line, and he continued writing in his notepad. “I see,” he murmured.
“Anger is better than fear, though, right?” I patted my side where my knife nestled deep in my pocket.
“Anger is your response to fear, Nova.” He put his notepad down and ran his fingers through his white hair. “Facing your fears is one of the most challenging things you’ll face in your lifetime, but it is also one of the most important things you’ll do to start your healing.”
I nodded, rubbing my palms against my jeans. He was right. I knew that. But how the hell was I supposed to face my fears when it felt like I was drowning in them?
“Let’s try something new.” Dr. Loomis reached across us and grabbed my hands in his. “For the rest of the week, I want you to pretend that Ryzen Goodacre is locked up in a maximum-security prison.”
I tried to tug my hands out of his, but he held on tight.
“I want you to walk with that confidence that he is locked up and unable to get to you. Walk in the shoes of a woman who is free of fear, and you’ll see how quickly things will change. Remember, your thoughts create your reality. If you’re living in fear every day, you’re just creating more fear in your life.”
Ugh, I hated that he was making sense. Could I do it? Pretend that Ryzen wasn’t out there lurking in the shadows, waiting to snatch me away again? “OK. I’ll try, I promise.” I stood and offered a small smile.
“I’m proud of you, Nova. You are making a lot of progress. Keep it up.” Dr. Loomis walked me to the door and patted me on the back. “I’ll see you next week, same time.”
Valik was waiting for me in the lobby, gazing all around us as we took the elevator down to the parking garage. He held onto my elbow and walked me towards the car.
