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My heart shatters. I thought we were heading in the right direction. I thought we were going to work on this, but clearly I was fooled by everything that happened last night.
I thought we’d wake up together, that he’d yawn and pull me closer against his body just like he used to when we were younger. I thought we were going to be stronger than ever.
But he’s gone. Not even a goodbye or a note left on the pillow.
Was last night some form of revenge sex? Did he reel me back in just to be the one to walk away and tear me to shreds? No, I refuse to believe it. That can’t be it. I know Nick, he wouldn’t purposefully try to hurt me, not in a million years, not even if I chose to walk away. It’s not in his nature.
Maybe he’s just not ready to jump so far in the deep end, maybe he wants to take it slow. If that’s the case, I’ll grin and bear it because having him in my life in any way is better than nothing at all. I’ve gone six years without him, and now that I know how much of a fool I’ve been, I can’t ever go back. He’s stuck with me, and if he doesn’t like it, well tough shit. He can learn to deal with it. I’m not going anywhere.
I suppose we need to have a talk, one where we’re not so overcome with raging emotions that we end up in bed before the conversation is over. Though, there’s no denying that last night was incredible for so many different reasons.
The way he touched me. The way he dropped to his knees and made me come with his tongue.
Oh God.
Shivers sail down my spine, and suddenly this bed is way too hot.
Coming to Blushing, I knew I’d be waking up on Christmas morning alone. Hell, I’ve woken up alone for the past six Christmases, so why should this one be any different? But last night, when Nick decided to come home with me and hold me while I slept, I thought just this one time, it might have been different. He’s probably had to run home to spend Christmas morning with his family, something I really shouldn’t have any issues with, but there’s no denying the small ache in my chest, an ache filled with loneliness.
Not wanting to dwell on it, I get out of bed and trudge down the hallway, and with every step I take, I feel Nick between my thighs. After having a quick shower and getting dressed, I head into the kitchen, and as I start making a coffee, I quickly check in with Rena to wish her a merry Christmas.
She drills me on Nick, and apparently I’m incapable of keeping my mouth shut because I tell her all about my night, but all too soon, she has to go to get on with her busy Christmas.
My gaze sails around the house. There’s still so much that needs to be done, but I’m not feeling it today, so instead, I grab the keys to the truck and head out. If I don’t get to have the kind of Christmas I was hoping for, then the least I can do is try my best to help others enjoy theirs.
I pull up outside the soup kitchen, and as I make my way through the door, I find Bessy madly slaving over the hot stove, and she immediately puts me to work, getting the attached hall ready to seat the many friendly faces that will come through here today. I keep busy, not having even a moment to myself, but it’s exactly what I need.
It’s creeping close to the start of lunch when everything finally starts to calm down and Bessy invites me to eat with her before the mad rush, and despite everything, I can’t manage to numb the disappointment of not being able to spend my Christmas with Nick anymore. I politely decline and leave her to eat with the other volunteers and drive myself back home. Maybe I could break open a new bottle of wine and be the miserable loner Oxley jokingly accused me of being—a loser who drinks alone on Christmas day.
Just great. This must be a new low for me.
Taking the final turn onto my street, I notice a familiar red pickup parked out on the curb, and my brows furrow, watching as Nick stands at my door before giving up and turning back. Then hearing the sound of my truck putting down the street, he glances up, and the second his gaze locks with mine through the windshield, I realize we’re about to have it out in the middle of the street.
Turning into my driveway, I don’t even get a chance to cut the engine before he’s at my door, pulling it wide. “Where the hell have you been?” he demands. “It’s Christmas.”
“Yeah,” I mutter, reaching over to the passenger side and grabbing my handbag off the seat before jumping out and closing the door behind me. I storm toward the front door. “I’m well aware.”
Nick catches my elbow and spins me back to face him, his gaze demanding every bit of my attention. “Where the hell were you? I’ve been driving around town all fucking morning searching for you. I thought you said you wanted to do this? I took your fucking word for it. So imagine my surprise when I get back here and you’re nowhere to be found?”
My jaw drops, gaping at him as though he just told me he was capable of shoving his own fist up his ass only to have it wind its way up through his guts and out through his mouth again. “Your surprise?” I demand with a scoff. “What about my surprise when I woke up thinking it was going to be the first Christmas morning where I wouldn’t have to wake up alone, and the moment I opened my eyes, I found my bed empty. Do you have any idea what that felt like? I thought we were finally in a place where we could give ourselves a real chance at this, but apparently it was just about getting your dick wet for you. Or maybe it’s some bullshit way to get revenge on me for hurting you the way I did. I doubt it. I like to think I know you better than that, but I suppose six years is a very long time. People change all the time.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he questions, stepping into me and forcing me to inch back a step. “Do you even hear yourself? Hell, have you heard a fucking word I’ve said to you the whole time you’ve been back?”
“I sure as fuck heard it when you said you wanted me to know how long I was planning on staying so you could gauge how much damage I was going to cause before jetting off and leaving you to clean up my mess.”
“That’s not what I . . .” he pauses and cringes. “Okay. I might have said that, but that wasn’t my finest hour, and we both know I was talking shit. I was trying to figure out how much time I had to make you realize this is your home.”
“Nick—”
“Where were you?” he asks again.
I let out a heavy sigh, not sure why it even matters at this point. “I was volunteering at the soup kitchen.”
He nods and inches closer again, taking my hand and pulling me against his chest. He brushes his fingers beneath my chin before lifting and forcing my gaze to his. “I left this morning to get you a decent coffee from the coffee house so you could wake up on Christmas with your favorite coffee and not have to drink that shit out of that ancient machine you have. The line was long. It seems everyone in Blushing had the same idea, but by the time I got back, you were gone,” he says, nodding toward a take-out coffee cup that’s been left on my porch. “I’m sorry you had to wake up alone on Christmas. I thought you’d sleep for longer considering the . . . workout I put you through last night, but I’m even more sorry that your first thought was to doubt my intentions for you because that means I haven’t tried nearly hard enough to show you just how badly I want this with you.”
“Shit,” I murmur, pushing up onto my tippy toes and throwing my arms around his neck. “No, I’m sorry,” I tell him as a soft flurry of snow begins to dust the ground. “There you were doing this amazing, thoughtful thing for me, and I took off instead of having faith that you’d come through for me. I ruined our first Christmas together.”
He shakes his head. “I should have left a note in case you woke up. That’s on me. I made a bad call, but for the record, my coffee was outstanding. You would have loved it.”
