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“It’s the fourth one. Was it biting again?”
“And scratching. And screeching.”
They both directed their gazes to the silent, finger-sucking blob in Joel’s arms. As if he knew they were talking about him, Theo closed his eyes and snuggled further against Joel’s side. Like an animal playing dead to avoid a predator, his fluttering eyelids gave away that he was pretending to be asleep to avoid the consequences of his actions.
“I don’t know…” Her voice broke, and she waited for the automatic urge to clear it away and scramble to keep her poise, but the urge didn’t come. Right there, in front of Joel, she was about to let herself tumble. “Joel, I don’t know what to do. I could put him in another school, but I’m afraid the same thing’s just going to happen.”
“Ayesha?”
“So, I read a study that talked about prenatal stress on a child’s long-term health.” She swiped at her eyes, nearly scratching her eyeball with a fingernail. “In Theo’s case, I stressed so much, I’m wondering if I somehow…transmitted my stress response to him. That’s why he can’t self-regulate.”
Joel’s large hand warmed her shoulder; she’d been so wrapped up in her tirade, she didn’t see when he came closer.
“Ayesha, honey? You need to breathe.”
“Joel, I messed up my baby.”
“Ayesha, breathe.”
“Curtis trusted me with his children, and I’m letting him down. I know I am. God, what am I doing to Josiah, then? What if his issues come later? Joel,” she stared into his eyes, “what if I change Josiah? My sweet, sweet Josiah? Oh, my god…what if he turns into a serial abuser? Then there’s the preschool to prison pipeline, and what if Theo ends up—”
“Ayesha,” Joel moved his hand to the space between her shoulder blades and gently massaged, “right now, all I need for you to do is get more air.”
She closed her eyes and timed her breaths.
When she realized she still hadn’t left for her appointment, her eyes popped open.
“It’s only been thirty seconds,” Joel said, voice calm. “Close your eyes and breathe for me. You’re not late, and you’re not a bad mother.”
“Can I ask you for a favor?”
“Anything.”
The words stopped at the tip of her tongue.
As if he’d heard them anyway, he pulled her into him, and she smothered her face against his shirt. It smelled freshly washed, and the freshly washed scent mixed well with his cologne. This last assignment had to have been on the lighter side if he’d had time to changeandspritz on cologne.
After several minutes, her breathing calmed.
“How are we feeling?” he asked.
She stepped back. “My makeup stained your shirt.”
“I don’t care about the shirt. I care about you.”
“Better.”
“I’ll watch Theo, okay? We’ll talk more when you get home. Then, we’ll find somewhere else. Somewhere better. But, when I’m here, he’ll be with me.”
“Joel, I can’t ask—”
“And I’ll grab Josiah from school. Did you remember to add my name to the list of approved Peter Piper picked a peck of precious people picker-uppers?
She managed a laugh.
“Who came up with that, anyway?” he asked. “Precious people picker-uppers?”
“Yes, you’re on the list, and I think the executive team at the school came up with it.”
