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“But fundamentally the same,” she shot back. “They let their husbands go to war without batting an eye. I’m not like that. I can’t do that.”
“Letthem?”
“Yes, let them.”
“Sydney, that’s bullshit. It’s hard on them, and you know it.”
“Then why not ask them to stop?”
“Can you just call a soldier home from his military commitment?” he asked. “And, if it’s such a problem, why’d you tell me you were fine with joining the team?”
“I didn’t know what it would entail.”
He scoffed. “More bullshit. You saw all those zeroes and thought, ‘Hmm, maybe I can put up with Joel for a little bit longer despite how fucking miserable it is being married to him.’”
“Again…belligerent.”
“Fuck it.” He shook his head. “You’re not leaving me. We’re going to make this work. When I land, I’m coming to your apartment and bringing you home, dragging you by your ankles if necessary.”
“Has it ever occurred to you that I might not want that?” she asked. “Maybethisis what I want? You say you love me, right? Love my decisions.”
“We’remarried,Sydney, and you made this decision without even spitting in my direction.”
“Would you have let me leave?”
“Fuck, no.”
“There’s your answer.”
He flipped up an index finger. “So, one, you don’t want to be married to me or have kids with me. Anything else I should know? Maybe you don’t love me anymore? Maybe you never did.”
“I still do,” she said, as if attempting to reassure him. “I willalwayslove you. Like you said, we’ve been together since we were sixteen. But love is not enough. We want different things. We’ve wanted different things for a while.”
“So what, you want a divorce? And I swear to God if you get quiet again…”
“Do you think we have a healthy relationship if you’re talking to me like this?”
“Sydney, I’m hurting!”
Several heads turned in his direction.
He waved them off.
“I’m hurting,” he repeated, quieter. “You just blew a fucking hole in my chest. How do you expect me to act?”
“Joel, in the past, whatever I asked you for, no matter what I asked you to do, you always managed to find a way to compromise. But when I asked you to leave the team, what did you say? No. That they’re your brothers. That it’s not like it was in the FBI. Babe, they might be your ‘brothers,’ but I’m yourwife.”
The fight slowly left his body. “I said give me time, Sydney. I begged you. Ididwant to find a way to work things out for us both.”
He heard what sounded like a doorbell. Then he heard her sister’s voice, and if Sasha was there, Sasha helped her move. She and Sasha were close, so there was no way Sasha hadn’t known, likely eons before he did, that she would ask him for a divorce.
Not only did Sydney leave him.
So had her family.
“Joel, I want you to leave the team,” Sydney said. “Today. Right now. Come home right now, and all this will be water under the bridge.”
There was no way to make her understand. These days, bullets flew by his ears more often than they ever had, even back when he was a Marine, and yet, he’d never felt this fulfilled.
