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“I still use them now.”
Laughing, she buried her face in the mattress.
“Even if we do screw Jojo up,” Curtis said, chuckling, “he’s ours to screw up.”
“I don’t want him to have to go through therapy to recover from his childhood.”
“Eesh, he has a father whose job is to kill people undetected.”
“He doesn’t know that!”
“Some shit’s gonna rub off. Like, he’ll accidentally take C4 to show and tell or something, and then I’ll have to tell all his friends it’s Play-Doh while the FBI tackles me to the ground.”
“Oh, my God.” She laughed even harder. “You’re perfect, Curtis. Josiah is in great hands.”
“Neither one of us is perfect but, in my opinion, imperfect people can be amazing parents.”
“So, we do our best?”
“We do our best,” he echoed. “And love each other to the end.”
She smiled, staring at his handsome face and watching the rise and fall of his chest. Each breath meant that his heart still beat, and once he came home, she’d lie on that chest and listen to it every night as they drifted off to sleep.
“Curtis, do you think you’d be able to remarry if something happened to me?”
He scoffed. “Yeah.”
“Damn.”
“I’m just kidding, mama!” His laugh crackled through the laptop speaker. “To be honest, I don’t know. With Jojo, and if we ever have more kids, it would be hard. I’d want her to love them, you know? And it’s not easy to ask someone else to love kids that aren’t theirs.”
“That’s fair.”
“How about you? Same question, Mrs. Savea.”
“Same answer,” she said. “He’d have to feel like somebody you would have picked for me yourself.”
“Well then, let me think, now.” He looked up at the ceiling. “What kind of man would I pick for you? I mean, Gage is single at the moment.”
“And, no offense, Gage is seriously hot.”
“There you go.”
“Stop it.” She giggled. “For you, I’d pick someone understanding, patient, and who doesn’t care about rubbing your size seventeen feet when they’re sore.”
“You’re essentially telling me that you never want me to remarry.”
“Just about.”
“Actually, wait. Let me really think about this.” He tapped his chin, focus just off-screen.
It was impossible to tell where he was. Everything was dark, and she made out a few silhouettes here and there that looked like everything and nothing at all.
Sometimes it was easy, like when he stayed in luxury villas and expensive hotels. Times like now, when he was in the middle of nowhere underneath tents and inside caves, all she could do was pray that, when their call ended, he remained safe until they spoke again.
“The man I’d pick for you…he’d work you like a miner, picking and picking until he breaks down those walls,” he said. “When you’re frustrated, he won’t wilt. When you’re angry, he won’t rise to match you but helps you calm down. When you’re sad or depressed, he doesn’t let you turn him away. And I know it’s asking for a lot, but I’d prefer if he pulled along well with the guys. These are my brothers, and I don’t want some fool coming into your life who doesn’t know what being part of this family is like.”
“Are you still pawning me off on Gage?”
