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“Tell me the truth about how you feel about this guy, Eesh.”
As if it were that easy.
Until a few moments ago, she’d been certain about her feelings for Adrían. They’d spent time together, laughed and talked and made love, but how could it have been more than a passing infatuation? How could she have missed him when he never met Josiah or saw where she kept her coffee to wake her up with the smell of hazelnut brew?
They’d had sex on desks and office floors, in hotel rooms, and at his place. There was that one time, at that conference in Vancouver, where they spent four days together. She realized now that her being there for work and him for a business meeting had been him “keeping tabs” on her, but things clearly fell apart for him at some point. They’d spent every free moment eating, drinking, touring the city, or wrapped around each other.
She knew what love felt like.
She’d been lucky enough to experience it twice in a way that made her want to be bathed in it forever. Forever never crossed her mind with Adrían, but if he hadn’t offered to end things, wouldshehave?
“The truth is, I don’t know how I feel anymore. I thought I did, but…”
She shrugged.
Joel dragged his tongue over his top row of teeth. “Are you in love with him?”
“No, baby.”
“But you care about him.”
“Yes.”
“More than a little bit.”
“I think so.”
“Enough to care whether he lives or dies.”
“Yes. I’d…prefer the former.”
“I know. He would have already been dead, but I saw that he meant something to you.”
He stood and walked a few feet away, increasing the space between them at the very moment she needed him closer.
“Eesh, I don’t know what’s happening to me. It’s like, every time I look at you, in my head, I hear,‘finally’and‘mine,’over and over and over. Sometimes, when you’re asleep, I stare at you, thinking about all the people I’d kill to keep you safe, and God help anybody who ever tries to hurt you. Baby, Icraveyou, and that shit…it’s not normal.” He strode over and crouched in front of her. “I loved Syd, and yet…fuck, I’ve never experiencedthis. This isn’t love. This is a fucking obsession.”
Itwaslove.
Howtheyloved.
He truly was meant for this team.
Combined with their lethal personalities, this was how it manifested when it peaked. They knew how dangerous the world was more than most, so when it came to their families, threats weren’t simply threats. They were targets to be destroyed to ensure the problem didn’t return. To guarantee their family’s everlasting safety.
Right now, it wasn’t about solely protecting her. It was also about protecting little people even more vulnerable than she was, who depended on him and loved him unconditionally. His protection also wasn’t merely physical; it extended to safeguarding the boys’ self-confidence and self-assurance. They looked up to him as a leader, a father figure, and a role model.
But was it too much?
Had he thought being in their lives, that being “Dad” and “Daddy” would entail much less than this, so now that he had to deal with the pressure and reality of it, it was overwhelming?
“Joel, let me ask you something,” she said. “You’ve been a husband before, and you’re familiar with that role, but you’ve never had a kid want to call you ‘Daddy’ or ‘Dad,’ and it’s a lot on you. Do you think—”
“No, that’s not it, babe.” He shook his head. “You three are not and won’t ever be the problem. The fact that the boys want to call me Dad and Daddy only makes me want to do everything I can never to lose that respect in their eyes.”
“So, maybe you’re worried that having us this close means something bad’s going to happen? Or that you’ll mess up somehow? Or—”
“Ayesha, I never knew I could love someone this much.”
