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Adrían motioned to himself. “How bad is it? I’d like to know before I see myself in a mirror.”
“Not that bad.”
Joel had looked much worse.
Where Joel had drips and streaks, Adrían had specks and smears.
She reached up and squeezed a few strands of his hair. Blood stained her fingers. “You’ll need shampoo and conditioner, but it’s not that bad. How does it affect you when you look in the mirror after an…event like this?”
“I see someone else.” He took her hand and used the inside of his shirt to wipe the blood stains from her fingers. “Someone from my past. I thought I would find redemption by doing this kind of work, saving people instead of harming them. Sometimes, I do. Then there are the days where I have to avoid the mirror.”
“What did you do before this?”
“Before this? Anything I had to do to survive.”
It was easy to touch him.
Too easy.
Touching his ear at Theo’s school made the memory of that day with the oily zucchini extra vivid. Now, touching his hair reminded her of pulling carpet fibers from the strands before returning to her office. Those memories, she needed to place in a coffin.
She heard footsteps.
Then a deep, “Come here,” followed, and her feet left the floor as Joel picked her up with one arm around her waist. He deposited her on the kitchen island and stood between her knees.
“Stay right here,” he said. “I’m gonna go lay down with Syd in Theo’s room, play in her hair, and talk all sweet to her.”
She kissed him. “Still leaving?”
“Yep.”
She kissed him again. “How about now?”
“Maybe.”
“You invited him. Why do that if you know he’s my weakness?”
“Your ‘weakness’ is about to become plant food if you keep playing with me.” He kissed her ear. “Don’t push me. You know I’m crazy about you.”
She hooked her fingers behind his head.
Sighing, he stepped closer and kissed her jaw before burying his nose in the crook of her neck. He held her, caressing and squeezing as if checking to ensure she was still in front of him. He couldn’t get any closer, but she tried anyway, holding him so tight, it strained her shoulders.
“Joel, I think I’m shaking.”
“I’ve got you. It’s the adrenaline. That was a lot of shit to go through, even without what happened at your old place. You won’t be okay right away, but I’ve got you, baby.”
“I was scared for Josiah, for Sydney, for myself. For you.”
“For me?”
“I was afraid you’d get hurt. Promise me you’ll never die?”
He kissed her collarbone. “I promise.”
“Thank you.” She curled his hair around her fingers and stared into the distance, replaying the events that had led up to this moment. “And I’m sorry about earlier. The anxiety, shutting you out, walking off.”
“The anxiety wasn’t the hard part,” he said. “Never apologize for that. The hard part was watching in pain, but you wouldn’t let me be there for you. I felt helpless. I’m a giver, a provider, and if I could’ve given you my heart to get yours to stop hurting, it would have been yours. Yeah, you’re an anxious person. You’ve been since we met. But that wasn’t the hard part.”
