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“Justlike a force field. So when people try to tell you things like you’re ‘bad’ or that you’re not smart, put up your force field.” She made a noise that was supposed to be a force field but came across suspiciously like a lightsaber. “Then, once it’s up, remember thatyouknow you’re smart and wonderful. I know it, and Joel and Jojo do too. We all do.”
“So the people who love me think I’m…that word you said?”
“Worthy,” she reiterated. “Us, the people who love you, know that you’re worth anything we can give you, especially our love.”
“But what if somebody gived you,” he fashioned his arms into a wide circle above his head, “a billion, trillion, gazillion dollars for me to go away?”
“Theo, no amount of money would make me choose not to be your mother. I never want you to go away. So, I would never ever trade you for a gazillion dollars. Not even a milbiltrilazilion dollars.”
He understood.
She knew, in his own way, he understood. Still, it surprised her when tears filled his eyes. It was as if he not only understood but felt it, as though he hadn’t been certain and had believed there was something more precious than he was.
Then he blew a raspberry against her cheek, hopped off her lap, and dashed up the stairs, screaming like they hadn’t just had a heart-to-heart.
Joel returned and sat in the chair directly across from her. He poured coffee into his mug and brought it to his lips, and she popped a couple of grapes and cubes of cheese into her mouth.
They remained that way, eating silently and staring, waiting for the other to ask whatever question had caused the dense fog between them. When their plates were empty, they moved them aside and leaned forward, their forearms on the tabletop.
She bolstered herself with a deep breath. “Why’d you have to talk to Sydney in your bedroom?”
“Ourbedroom, babe,” he corrected. “And I thought about it on the way down. I’m sorry I did that. Something that happened earlier must have thrown me off.”
“What’d she want?”
“She said she wants to talk to me about something.”
“Getting back together?”
He turned his ear toward her. “Sorry,what?”
“Did she want to talk about getting back together?”
“Even if she did, you might not have heard, but I’m getting married soon. Beautiful woman. Thoughtful. My best friend and an even better girlfriend-fiancée. Perfect sense of humor. Has lips that taste like cherries. I’m probably obsessed with her. Think you’ve met.”
“So you wouldn’t—”
“Eesh, no offense to Sydney because what we had was good for what it was, but I wouldn’t give up my place in heaven just to claw my way back to purgatory unless it’s where I’ll find you.”
As far as answers went, it was perfect.
He’d learned her over the years. A “no,” she would have accepted. On the outside. Eventually, after twisting and analyzing his words for a few weeks until, her brain ached. An answer like that shut her brain right up.
“And she didn’t say what she wanted to discuss, but I have an idea.”
“So, what’s the earlier thing that threw you off?” she asked.
His brows twitched. “You don’t know you said it, do you?”
“Said what?” She thought back to that morning, to his hands and lips and tongue, and thinking about them only made her want to go upstairs and take things further. “Joel, what could I have possibly—”
The realization punched her in the gut.
“Just like that. God, Joel…just like that.”
But it wasn’t Joel’s name she’d used.
“You havegotto be kidding me.” She shoved away from the table onto her feet. Why was this happening now? And why wouldn’t she have used Curtis’ name, at the very least? Especially during a moment like that.
