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“Yeah, I did.” He cocked his head to the side and smirked. “But sometimes my weakness kicks me in the ass.” He took one more drag and stubbed out the butt. He rested his forearms on the banister and looked ahead. “They’re horrible for my health, I know.” He didn’t look at her, but he grinned.
A lot of things ran through her mind, but the silence felt serene, and for several moments, she didn’t do anything but stand beside him and watch as the frost glinted in the moonlight like tiny crystals.
“Why don’t you go back in, sweetheart? It’s freezing out here.” Blake wrapped his arm around her and rubbed hers. Poppy wanted to press him, talk to him and see what he thought, but that wouldn’t accomplish anything. So, she nodded and pulled away from him.
A moment passed when she thought he might pull her back into the safety of his embrace, but instead he clenched his hands at his sides and turned away from her. A dejected feeling washed through her. She slipped back into the house and forced herself to be strong.
For some reason, the feeling of being rejected slammed into her, so hard and forceful it sucked the air right from her lungs. She turned around and looked out the window. Blake’s shoulders were bunched, and his head was dropped low. White puffs of air left him, and his hands were tight fists in front of him. She knew that body language well, knew the emotions that practically slammed against the house.
Chapter 13
Blake’s balls were about to shrivel up and fall off from the fucking cold, but he refused to go back inside, especially now that Poppy was awake.Fuck.He felt like the biggest asshole for all but shoving her back in the house. He ran a hand over his face and breathed out.
A light dusting of snow started to fall around him, just adding to the inches that already covered the ground. Being with Poppy was the best thing that had ever happened to him, but he couldn’t help but feel like the worst piece of shit alive. Here he had told her not to think so much, that what they had was special.
All of that was true, yet after they had been intimate and she had fallen asleep pressed against him, Blake had done nothing but think about what they’d done. The dual feelings of guilt and euphoria were at war inside him.
He had slept with Jon’s wife, the one woman whom his little brother had loved above all else. If that didn’t make him a Grade-A prick, he didn’t know what did.
He could imagine the reaction of their families when he sat them down and told them the only woman he had ever loved was his sister-in-law. A humorless laugh left him.
“You really are fucked up.” Blake tilted his head back and looked up. The sky was clear, with the hint of morning out over the horizon. Stars still dotted the sky, their bright, white lights flickering and pulsing with life and energy. Was there someone else out there, staring up at the sky and wondering the same thing at this exact moment? Did he have the same worries, the same hopes, and the same dreams? Did he love a woman who had been married to his brother?
Blake hung his head and closed his eyes. Maybe he was taking advantage of her. He knew she still hurt over Jon’s death. Hell, so did he, but Poppy was having an especially difficult time. He wanted to be there for her, no matter what. The only problem was if he could let everything inside him go so he could be the man she deserved.
Blake pulled another cigarette out of the pack and lit it. He had quit smoking years ago, and the pack was just as old, but when he pulled away from Poppy’s sleeping body and stepped outside, he needed something to calm his fucked-up nerves.
He inhaled deeply, the nicotine kicking in instantly, but the aftereffect leaving a hollow feeling inside him. He stubbed the rest of it out and sighed.
He stayed outside until his fingers and toes became numb. When he stepped into his room, he didn’t need to look at the bed to know it was empty. What did he expect, though? He had made love to Poppy then shut her out. The urge to go to her was strong, but he needed to think, needed to wrap his head around what the hell he really wanted.
What he did know was that he loved a woman he had no right to love. Blake shrugged off the robe and stepped out of his slippers before slipping back in bed. The scent of Poppy rose up around him, and he closed his eyes and inhaled her into his lungs.
Her side of the bed was still slightly warm, and he rolled over, burying his face in her pillow until every part of his body ached to be with her. Why did it have to be so hard? Why couldn’t it be easy to be with the woman he wanted?
Because every time you look at her, touch her, kiss her, you’ll think of Jon and the way you’re betraying him.
God, what she must think of him right now. Blake threw the covers off and stood. He didn’t bother with his robe or slippers as he slipped out of his room and made his way down the hallway to Poppy’s. The door was cracked, and he saw her body huddled in the center of the bed.
He placed his hands on the doorframe and watched her, knowing he should go to her, hold her, and tell her what they had done was good and right. He wanted to, itched to do that, but he was weak and a coward and didn’t move. Just as he turned to leave, her soft whimper stopped him.
Blake rubbed the center of his chest as his heart started to clench painfully. The sound of her crying felt like a bullet to his chest. He pushed the door open and stepped inside. When he reached the edge of her bed, he could see her body shaking under the sheets. Her eyes were shut tightly, and she had yet to notice his presence. Not worrying about anything but the woman before him, Blake slipped into the bed and pulled her to him.
A small sound of surprise escaped her, but then she molded her body as close to him as she could get.
“I’m so sorry, Blake. I don’t want to ruin what we have. I don’t want to lose you.” Her tears were hard and wracked her body, so he held her tighter.
“Shhh, I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed the top of her head and knew there was no way he could give her up. “I’m not going to let you go, Poppy.”
She half laughed, half sobbed. “I hope not, Blake, because I don’t want you to let me go.”
Chapter 14
One week later
Poppy brought her sandwich to her mouth and took a big bite. Her focus was on the man across the room with his nose buried in a book. It was slightly humorous that he sat there so serious, like he worked out the world’s problems. He shifted in his seat, and the long-sleeved dress shirt he wore stretched across his chest.
Lord, it should be illegal for a man to look that good. The light-blue button-down shirt did nothing to hide his raw physique. Since they had sex seven days ago, they had talked… a lot. It wasn’t just about Jon and their past. They also talked about plans for the future.
