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CHAPTER FOUR
For four days, Gabriel got up every morning and looked at the sky. He would record himself and send the videos to Talia.
She got up every morning and did the same for him.
Her time at her family’s home was just as miserable as she’d expected. But she said he made it better by sending her horrible jokes.
It is amazing how cleansing a bad joke can be, she texted.
Thinking about that, he sent horrible ones to his mom and sister, who both texted back laughing emojis. He took it as an invitation to call them and for once, they answered. He didn’t get heavy and talk about feelings, but they managed to catch up, and laugh with each other. It felt a little like having a family again. It wasn’t a lot but it was a start.
Two days before New Year’s Eve, he texted Talia. I’m making cinnamon rolls. Bet you wish you were here.
Hmm, she typed. If you’d told me you knew how to make cinnamon rolls I’d have probably stayed.
He snorted. A man wants to be wanted for more than his rolls.
She sent him a row of laughing emojis. A moment later she texted again. Hey, I have a dumb question.
Your questions are never dumb.
His phone pinged a moment later. What’s in your dad’s kuku sabzi?
His heart twisted painfully and happily at the same time. He hadn’t realized how much worse his grief had been when he felt like he couldn’t talk about his dad. Just having her mention him so openly made it feel like his dad wasn’t a sad memory to be erased, but a beautiful vibrant piece of himself that still existed, even if it wasn’t in the exact same configuration it’d been when he was alive.
He knew the hurt, the big chasm in his life, would always be there. But now, there was hope too.
Smiling, he sent her the recipe.
That next night, after work, he ate a cinnamon roll and laid on his couch, feeling a raw kind of happy, and wishing Talia was there. A new year was coming and he wanted to spend it with her. But she was on her way back to Denver. She’d decreed her punishment was over and she was bailing a day early from her family’s judgment.
Wanting to hear her voice, he made his way to her social media. He hadn’t watched any of her videos because, oddly enough, it felt like an invasion of privacy. Those were hers. But now he was desperate for her voice. He watched bunches of them before clicking on the one she’d made with him. Their faces were squished close together and he couldn’t figure out where he was supposed to look, but when she looked at him and when he looked at her, the sparks were brighter than a bonfire. His heart squeezed painfully. The comments were full of dirty jokes and encouragement for Talia to sleep beside him and do more than that. There were tons of funny hashtags there as well. #candyfromstrangersisthebestcandy, #candycaneigetyournumber, and of course, #hohoyes.
There were also gushing compliments about his appearance, which he was both embarrassed and flattered by. Apparently he and Talia were both “snacks,” and he was a “zaddy.” He didn’t know what that meant and he was too scared to Google it.
He looked for another video. She’d been silent for a while after her winter holiday one, but it looked like she’d posted the night before. He clicked on it.
She was sitting in a huge fancy kitchen. Must have been her parents’ house. She looked tired and sad. “Happy New Year’s Eve-eve. I know I look like crap, you don’t need to tell me in the comments. My family has kindly told me every hour on the hour.” She sighed. “I’m doing something different today. I’m going to cook something and we’re going to talk.”
One by one, she raised up the ingredients. Eggs. Cilantro, parsley, dill, leeks. Oh.
He sat up and watched closer. “I’ve already washed and trimmed the herbs. Onto the leeks.” She set about dicing them. “This is going to get extra personal today. Um, I wanted to do some research into kuku sabzi before making this video and I ended up on some site with Persian terms of endearment. There was one…” She looked up at the ceiling. “Delbar-am. It means, the one who stole my heart. Isn’t that beautiful?”
There was a warm weight in his chest as he watched her work. He’d heard that endearment his whole life. His mother would laugh when his father called her that. “You’re so dramatic, Karim.” But her eyes would sparkle with happiness and every once in a while, she’d kiss him on the cheek and say it back.
Talia dropped the leeks into a hot pan with oil. They sizzled pleasantly. “Have you ever met someone and the connection was so strong, so right, that it literally only took a moment to feel like you’ve known them forever?”
The weight in his chest shifted.
While the leeks softened, she chopped the rest of the herbs. She rocked her knife back and forth, making fast work of them. It was clear she knew her way around the kitchen. “I think I had the chance for something…special. And I walked away. I got on a stupid plane and went somewhere I didn’t want to go, leaving the first place I wanted to stay in a long time.”
His heart twisted as a tear trekked down her cheek. “I think I made a mistake. It’s never hurt so much to say goodbye to someone.” She worked quietly and methodically while she considered her words. “In some ways, I feel like I’m too old to feel this way. Like yeah, it’s not that hard. Just tell him I want to do the long distance thing. Or whatever. But I don’t want that. I want…Well, what I want isn’t logical or even smart.” She shook her head. “Maybe I’m just being all-or-nothing. Should I call him and talk to him about it? If I did, what would I say? ‘Hey, I kinda sorta accidentally fell for you. Mind if I move in?’”
He gripped the phone hard and tried to catch hold of the breath that was rushing out of his body.
The kuku crisped, and she peeked under the pan lid to check on it. “That’s insane, right? I cannot do that. I’m just going to go home tonight and try to get a grip.” She shook her head. “I’ll be back when this is done cooking.” There was a funny little break with intermission music playing. When she returned to the screen, she was holding a platter of perfectly cut kuku sabzi. It looked heavenly. His dad would have been impressed.
“Yup. This is delicious,” she said as she took a bite. “This is…something I didn’t even know existed, but now that I know, how can I live my life without it? I’ll have to make it again. I’ll have to…” She gave a sad laugh, her shoulders sagging. “I really do need to get a grip.” With that, she told her viewers to care for themselves and to set good boundaries. To be kind when they didn’t feel kind. And to keep being glorious, magical bitches.
