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CHAPTER19
HARVEY
Igrabbed my head in both hands and squeezed, a dark, throaty sound pouring from me as I fought to stay in two-legged form. I'd barely wrangled control from my beast, and I only managedthatbecause the rage had faded, leaving horror and sharp, breakable fear behind.
The things I said to Kai…
He'd never forgive me, and I deserved that.
Worthless waste of space,my uncle's voice snarled from my memory.What good are you? You're a whore and a hole—that's your only value.
I flinched, pressing tighter on my head, my magic spiking and spiralling out of control. What if he was right? I was a useless mate; Haley was kidnapped right in front of me. I was a useless brother; Em and Wane were stolen with her. And what I'd said to Kai, the sickening way I'd treated him when he'd done nothing but support me? I was a heinous, hideous person.
We'djustgot Wane back, just freed him from that prison under the Damned House, and I couldn't even protect him for one week. Now he was gone, and suffering, and terrified—I could feel it, like a lance through my chest, screaming at me that my twin was in danger, he was scared, he needed me.
And where was I? Sat on the roof of the palace, being a worthless piece of shit like my father always said I was. He always said I'd amount to nothing, that I should be ashamed to be so weak, and he was right.
Whenever I'd cried, it led to boots breaking bones and fists drawing blood, brutal hits breaking my nose, others snapping my fingerbones, knowing full well I'd heal from the injuries. It didn't matter whatever Locke and his brother did to me, because the marks vanished. So they hurt me without restraint.
I curled my hands into shaking fists in my hair, tempted to turn them on myself as if it would appease the vicious universe, like my pain would balance the way I'd hurt Kai with my poison tongue.
Everything about you is poison, boy. There's something fucked up in your head. You're a defect, a mistake. You shouldthankme for touching you like that.
I flinched, the memory so sharp I couldseethe basement, smell its blood and damp scent, feel the press of walls and skin against me, pain biting into me.
I screamed, the roar coming from deep, deep in my chest, and the leash nearly tore off my destructive magic. If I released it, I’d obliterate all Iarlon.
Don't act like you're special. Wane's suffering is far worse than yours.
Those words were my own, and they were true. I hadn't been caged in a room, tortured by a titan for a hundred years. I'd fought and battled and broken, over and over, but I'd had Kai and Em nearby even if I hadn't recognised them as my brothers, my family.
Wane had sufferedalone.
Tears poured from my eyes like scorching lava, and I couldn't get them to stop.
Weak. Pathetically weak. You'd never survive outside this basement, Harvey. Keeping you here is merciful.
I shook my head, screaming louder, not caring that I was on the palace roof and people could hear me. Not caring that the capital spread out around me, full of demons and spirits and life.
I wasn't here; I was in that basement under the gilded manor with pain clawing through me over and over, the rattle of a belt buckle like a razor to my nerves and Wane's gasping cries worse, always worse. I couldn't handle it. I needed him here, needed to know he was safe, needed to protect him.
Like you protected him when Aphrodite stole him?
Worthless, useless—
"Harvey," Kai barked, ripping me out of the memory with a rough hand on my shoulder.
"I can't—I can't do this," I sobbed, hating myself for crying but unable to stop. The lilac city blurred in my vision, twisted and pale. My breaths came faster, sharper, shorter.
"You're not alone," Kai swore fiercely, his bruising grip on my shoulders keeping me grounded. It should have made everything worse, should have reminded me of crueller hands on my body, but somehow it—didn't. But I couldn't catch a breath, couldn't stop my head spinning. "I'm right here with you, and I'll eviscerate every single bastard who tries to fuck with you. Yeah?"
I tried to gasp out an agreement, but I couldn't. My head spun, my cries awful and wheezing.Weak. Useless.
"We'll get our family back," Kai swore in a throaty hiss, prising my hands out of my hair and dragging me into the world's roughest hug. "I know you're scared shitless, and so am I. But we'll find them."
I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking hard when he crushed me closer, arms locking mine at my sides. The pressure, the weight … it helped me suck in a gasp, then another.
"Wane—"
