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Shit.
Fuck.
Was I too obvious?
“Nothing,” I say in my eternally calm tone. “Let’s get Creigh home.”
I’m thankful that Remi follows without a word. When I steal another look at Nikolai, his expression is murderous as he slips back inside.
Remi talks all the way home about how inhumane the Heathens are for hurting his ‘spawn’ and I’m thankful that he fills the silence. But nothing could dull the tension in my shoulders.
We manage to carry Creighton to his room and he soon wakes up and tells us he’s okay. Remi refuses to leave, but once I make sure my cousin is fine, I slip back to my room and pace the length of it as I fetch my phone.
Me
Are you okay?
Nikolai
You ask as if you care.
Don’t be like this. I’m asking if you’re okay. Can you just answer the question?
You could’ve asked in person, but that would kill you, right?
I close my eyes and pull at the hairs at the back of my neck.
Nikolai
If I say I’m not okay, will you come to the penthouse?
Me
If you want me to, yeah.
Then I’m not okay.
On my way.
I’ll be there in an hour or so. I have some shit to do here first.
Should you be doing anything if you’re not okay?
Love it when you worry about me, baby. See you.
I want to tell him I’m not worried, but even I don’t want to send that lie.
The drive to the penthouse is only fifteen minutes. I wait on the sofa as usual and turn on the telly, then settle on one of the late-night reruns of Agatha Christie’s adaptations.
Unable to stay still, I stand up to fetch a bottle of beer from the fridge. He started stocking it up and ordering groceries that he knows nothing about. I told him to stop after the first time and began to buy my own groceries. I usually make him something before I leave. Breakfast or dinner, depending on how late it is.
I guess a part of me is trying to make up for how I leave every night when he doesn’t seem like he wants me to.
He doesn’t say that out loud, but I can feel the crushing disappointment in his voice whenever he asks, “You leaving?”
Every night. Every time. As if he expects the answer to change.
And every night, it gets harder to say “Yeah” or “You know I am.” So I just nod now. And even that is excruciatingly difficult.
