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After he laughed his ass off—five out of five sense of humor on that man, love him—he helped me pack a pouty Kolya away, and sure as shit, my dick had every right to be offended since his first show was put to a nonconsensual halt.
Dad told me that I actually couldn’t use my wiener as a gun. At least,not yet—see, told you that man has the best sense of humor, as expected of my dad—and stripping in front of my baby sisters is a no-no.
He also said the stupid rule where I couldn’t be naked all the time. Fucking social restrictions and all that bullshit.
At any rate, that was the official birth of Kolya Jr., or Kolya for short. Kolya happens to be the Russian diminutive form of my name, but it’s rarely used, and only by my very Russian grandfather, who snarls at the reality that Niko won the nickname battle a hundred to one.
And no, Grandpa doesn’t know I actually call my dick Kolya or I’d need to revoke my Russian card. And that’s no fun. I breathe vodka.
Anyway, ever since that boner incident, Kolya has become the sluttiest, most adventurous cock anyone would ever meet.
He’s resourceful, to put it mildly, and a flat-out whore if we’re being fucking blunt.
Part of his extended arsenal is being easy to satisfy. Give him a willing hole and he’s weeping in joy—literally.
So imagine my goddamn bafflement when he woke up today and chose the silent treatment.
I presented an especially sexually frustrated Kolya with his favorite flavors. At the same time.
A dick and a pussy? Fucking jackpot, if you ask me.
After the initiation, I got back to the Heathens’ mansion and shot three of my contacts a text to come and worship at Kolya’s altar.
All three of them replied, so what the fuck? A foursome sounded like fun, so I told them to come the fuck over, and they did, stacked with weed and booze, and one was chewing on a blue pill.
Not sure you’re supposed to chew on it, but I couldn’t be bothered and gave him vodka to help…uh…with digestion and shit.
Don’t ask me how I know those two guys and the girl. The girl is from school, probably. Again, don’t ask what happens at school. I’m studying business there, but I’ve barely attended any classes since I’ve been at college. As long as I keep my GPA up, thanks to my superior genes, nobody cares. Me included.
The two guys, anyone’s guess. I happen to attract a lot of attention—might have to do with Kolya’s extravagant magic cross piercing that many swear made them see heaven.
Or hell. Depending on their kink.
Also, it might have to do with how unbothered I am by any request. Once, a girl was like, “Choke me, Daddy,” and I nearly killed her. In my defense, she didn’t specify howhardI should choke her, so I went with the flow—the flow being maximum violence.
Another guy sent me a text saying, “Are you looking for a doormat? Because you can step on me any day and I’d bend over and take it.” So I did just that and stepped on him.What?He asked for it and, I kid you not, he jizzed all over my room. Then he did bend over and took it.
Fun times.
Last night, however, most definitely wasnot.
It was so far from fun, it gave me fucking whiplash.
I had three sexy-as-fuck people at my disposal and Kolya was playing hard to get like a virgin motherfucker. Which he’s not.
For the first time in my nineteen years of life, I couldn’t get off. Not when they offered their mouths, holes, and everything in between. In fact, I wasn’t even motivated to release Kolya from his least favorite confinement—my pants.
They soon forgot about me and turned to one another while I watched, sitting on the stairs and nursing a bottle of good ole vodka. It was a threesome of epic proportions that started with making out, sucking each other off, and both guys double penetrating the girl and fucking her senseless until she nearly passed out. At some point, they pushed her aside. Viagra boy clearly couldn’t get enough, so he bent the other guy over, fucked him, then nutted in his ass. Or I think he did. Because that’s the point where I fell asleep.
At the bottom of the stairs.
If that doesn’t tell you how desperate Kolya’s state of no fun is, I don’t know what would.
Not the sleeping at the bottom of the stairs part, because I swear to fuck my body can only lull itself to sleep on anything that isn’t a bed. It comes with my head’s fucked-up state of mind.
This is about the not-participating part. Usually, I’d be all over that shit, and, in retrospect, bringing the beautiful queer energy out of everyone. There’s a reason why people say yes whenever I shoot them a text. I’m a guaranteed source of crazyfun.
Last night, not only did I not fuck my way through multiple holes, but I was alsobored.
