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I really need to get him alone, talk to him, and make sure everything is okay.
Just when I’m thinking about the best way to do that, the last person I need waltzes right in the middle of the scene like he owns the place.
Lan scans his surroundings and then flashes us a diabolical smirk. “What’s with the tense atmosphere? I thought this was a birthday. Also, did someone mention the word ‘ruin’?”
28
NIKOLAI
For the first time in fucking ever, I don’t have myself under control.
And that’s saying something since everyone always thinks I have a loose screw and can’t be labeled sane by any stretch of the imagination.
It’s different this time.
I knew it wasdisastrouslydifferent when I didn’t want to talk to my dad. If I did, even he would be insisting on the pills.
A part ofmeis insistingon the fucking pills.
I hate the fact that I’m even thinking about that possibility. But there’s no other way to kill this state of chaos. I haven’t been sleeping, eating, fuckingbreathing, and have been surviving on violence, cigarettes, and alcohol.
The alternative to the pills is being stuck in the middle of a black rage for the foreseeable future.
Rage that can’t be doused by any fighting, riding, or any extended fucking sight of blood. If anything, it’s been mounting, intensifying until it’s the only form of oxygen I suck into my lungs day in and day out.
The only time I can breathe properly is when I stare at Bran’s texts and stalk his social media like a stage-five creep. I hate that I can’t hug him to sleep or kiss him. I hate that I can’t look at him and cling to him like an annoying octopus. After he poured his heart out to me in the tub, the last thing I wanted was to leave him, but I had to.
I stillhaveto.
My current state doesn’t allow for me to see him. I don’t trust myself not to hurt him. I really,reallyfucking don’t.
Even now, I’m battling the urge to grab him by the fucking throat and bruise his lips in front of the whole world. He’d hate me for good this time, but who fucking cares.
The only thing that puts a halt to my plan is the presence of his less pleasant eyesore twin.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” Jeremy asks on everyone’s behalf.
Everyone, and I mean every single fucking person present, is alarmed by the asshole.
Everyone but his precious brother, who looks pained on Landon’s behalf.
He’s never looked at me like that. Has never shown me an ounce of the concern he unconditionally has for his brother.
It’s an illogical thought, but I can’t shove it out of my broken mind. My muscles tighten and a flood of rage douses me in one fucking go.
“I thought this was a birthday and everyone was invited.” Landon speaks with a nonchalance that scratches my wavering resolve like nails on a chalkboard.
“You’re not,” Kill replies.
“Seems that I am now.” The motherfucker has the nerve to walk to my sister.Myfucking sister. “Happy Birthday. Aside from the gift of my attendance, I have something else for you, but I’d rather give it to you in private—”
My body moves on autopilot as I slam my fist in the cunt’s face. He staggers back and blood explodes on his lip.
“Lan.” Glyn leaves Kill and rushes to him. “Just…go.”
“I didn’t go through all the trouble of bribing incompetent security guards just to leave,” he continues talking in that casual tone that will get him killed. Preferably tonight.
I step forward to finish the job and lose his brother for fucking good, because I’m suicidal like that, but Mia clutches my arm and then signs, “He’s not worth it, Niko.”
