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“When you were fourteen?”
“Yeah. You asked me in what department did I not feel normal, and I just shrugged and hoped you’d let it go. That thought came to me when I saw Lan and everyone else shagging their way through school. Lan first had sex at thirteen. I didn’t even consider it at that time.”
“Oh, my word.” Mum gasps.
“You weren’t supposed to know that.” I grimace. “Anyway, he told me all about it, said I’d get around to it myself, and gave me a lot of pointers. I was more bemused than interested. I didn’t like the concept of sex. I didn’t find it appealing in any shape or form. I thought I was a late bloomer and Lan agreed, which made sense. But even at fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, or beyond, I didn’t like the idea. I didn’t want to have it and didn’t find anyone attractive.”
“But…” Dad pauses, seeming to measure his words. “You had girlfriends.”
“Yeah. I did have sex. I didn’t like it, but I did it anyway to blend in.”
“Oh, honey.” Mum watches me with a wretched expression. “Why didn’t you talk to us? We could’ve—”
“No. The idea of being different haunted the hell out of me. I couldn’t just admit it out loud. Even to you guys. I didn’t want to be seen as a freak.”
“Not wanting to have sex doesnotmake you a freak, Bran,” Dad says firmly. “Everyone is different and that’s the beauty of it. Just because you don’t have the sexual drive doesn’t make you any less of who you are.”
“I’m starting to learn that now. I wish it was easy to express one’s different sexuality without being judged for it.”
“We would never judge you, hon.”
“You wouldn’t, but society would, Mum. Society would compare me to my sex-god twin brother and label me as the defective one. They already think that in the art circuit anyway. I didn’t want to add my sexuality to it.”
“Society can go fuck itself,” Dad says. “What’s important isyou. As long as you’re comfortable in your own skin, everyone else can fuck off. If they say anything, I’ll drag them through enough courts to make them wish they’d never crossed your path.”
I smile a little. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Did…something change?” Mum asks in a hopeful tone.
“What makes you think that?”
“You often look at your phone and have a longing expression on your face.”
“I do?”
Both of them nod and I wince. I didn’t realize I wasthatobvious.
“Did you find someone who understands you?” Dad asks.
“Will you be too shocked if I say it’s a man?”
Mum’s lips break into a grin. “Iknewit.”
“Me, too,” Dad says.
“What?” I stare between them as if they’re aliens. “How…? Why…? When? I didn’t even know it myself.”
“Well, hon. You had your first crush on a guy.”
“What?”
“My stepbrother, Jayden.”
“Jay?”
“You called him a prince and said, ‘Mum, he’ssopretty,’ when you first met him. You were, what? Five at the time? Lan was having fun watching girls fight over him, but you were all over Jay. That didn’t last long and you eventually became friends, but I definitely saw the attraction in your little eyes.”
Right. I do remember thinking he was really pretty. But then puberty came and I never thought of him in that sense. I never thought ofanyonein that sense.
