AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I didn’t care for it until someone else said it. Or a more intimate version of it.
Now, I fucking hate it.
My finger is unsteady as I exit my texts with Clara and scroll down for some time until I find the name that I hate more thanbaby.
I click on the conversation that I started two days after he called me that, touched me in ways he had absolutely no right to, then proceeded to punch my face.
Me
Hey. I wanted to apologize for what I said the other time. I really meant no disrespect and I’m sorry if you got offended.
This is Brandon King, by the way.
He read the texts but never replied.
That was over two weeks ago.
Two weeks and I still find myself checking in case I missed a text.
Like now.
What on earth is wrong with me?
I just can’t seem to stop replaying what happened that night. Over and over, like a broken fucking record. Again and again, it sneaks into my head and spreads on top of other thoughts like a special torture device.
Every day, I think of why I lost control so easily. I was cursing out loud—not once or twice, butseveraltimes. I snapped and growled and even used violence.
But the most embarrassing moment was when he had his lips on my jaw and throat, licking and exploring. My skin caught fire and I was on the edge of something nefarious.
My heart has never beat as fast as when he bit down on my throat.
And I groaned.Me.Brandon fucking Kinggroanedbecause aguywas biting me.
It was like existing in the skin of an entirely different person. As if I broke apart from my physical being and morphed into an alien entity.
I hate that version of myself. I fucking despise it.
But what I hate the most is what I said because I was so livid.
I’ve never seen Nikolai as angry as when he punched me in the face and then tackled me to the ground.
He looked down at me as if I were a pest he wished to squash beneath his shoe. The switch from flirtation, skin licking to downright violence gave me whiplash.
Then I realized maybe he thought I said he was disgusting for being gay.
I really didn’t mean that.
People being straight, gay, or anything else has never mattered to me. Hell, Eli, Creigh, and Remi’s granddads are the oldest gay people I know, and I’ve always found their bickering with Grandpa Jonathan amusing.
I have nothing against gay people. But the truth remains, I’m straight. I can only bestraight.
The reason I said Nikolai was disgusting was because he kept touching me when I repeatedly told him not to.
It was because I felt strange, on fire, and completely out of my skin.
It was because he can effortlessly rip at my control and tear it to shreds as if it was never there in the first place.
He clearly got the hint this time, so…silver linings, I guess.
