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I don’t know how I manage it, but I don’t flinch. That stubbornness again I guess; I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. I crumple the papers in my fist and leave without a backwards glance. Fuck him two times!
Before the door shuts behind me I hear another loud roar and an almighty crash. Peering through the tiny gap I see the professor breathing hard, his hands curled into fists and the lectern several metres away, on its side.
What’s his problem?
I glance down at the stack of papers in my hand and have to consciously relax my hand to unfurl my own fists. What is it about that professor that gets me so wound up? He brings out a completely different side of me. Headstrong, confrontational, combative…but I don’t hate it. The blood in my veins is racing and my heart is pounding. I realise I’m breathing as hard as the professor was. But I feel exhilarated.
What was that? Why do I feel like this? Why can’t I get his smell out of my head?
“Hey, Mai-Tai!” I nearly leap out of my skin at Cove’s cheery greeting. Looking around me, I realise that all my classmates have gone, including Bhodi, and I feel a stab of disappointment that he didn’t wait for me, even though I sort of told him not to. I just meant I didn’t need him to wait in the lecture hall with me. Waiting outside would have been fine. Nice even.
I smile weakly at Cove. “Hi. What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you actually. Do you have time for a drink?”
I hesitate but then remember the doctor’s homework assignment; to speak to Cove about last night’s date. It feels like days since I spoke to the doctor, not hours, and way longer than last night since my disastrous date.
“Sure.” I force myself to give Cove a more authentic smile, which is probably an oxymoron or juxtaposition, but he doesn’t deserve my reluctance just because my head’s all messed up after my interaction with the professor.
Thinking of the prof reminds me of the papers in my hand. I carefully smooth them out and ask Cove to give me a second to put them away. Dropping my bag to the floor and bending down on one knee, I flick through the stack of papers. Every single one is a copy of the assignments I’ve submitted. Remarked. And, from first glance, fairly graded.
I feel like an dick for fighting with him now. He did a nice thing, and I threw it back in his face.
Sure, he should have graded me fairly in the first place, and I still don’t know why he didn’t, but it must have taken him ages to go over all of these again. Why would he do that?
“What you got there?”
“Just some assignments that needed returning after I missed so much time.” I don’t know why I sort of lie to Cove, but I shove the papers into my bag and stand quickly, not wanting him to see them.
“You good?”
“Yeah, lead the way.”
Cove loops his arm through mine and it feels all wrong. Not at all like when I do it to Bhodi. I cringe and pull away, but when Cove gives me a wounded look I feel bad and switch to holding hands instead. It seems to appease him because he smiles and gives my fingers a quick squeeze before leading me across campus to the Cabana Café, and with Cove, I actually prefer it.
It’s busy inside, but Cove manages to snag us a small table for two in the corner by the window. I sit down and he fetches us drinks. While he’s gone, I mostly stare out of the window and stress about what I’m going to say to him. I wish I could ask the doctor for advice.
What would he say? Probably to just be honest and ask the questions that are plaguing me. But I don’t think I’m ready to let Cove know just how crazy I am.
What do I say?Hi, thanks for the sex last night, but what happened after the voices in my head threatened to kill everyone in a gruesome and painful manner?
“Penny for ‘em?”
“Excuse me?” I blink out of my day dream as Cove returns with two steaming mugs. Mine’s topped with whipped cream and sprinkles. Hot chocolate. My favourite. “Thank you.”
“I was just saying, a penny for your thoughts.”
“You don’t use pennies over here.”
“I know. But you do in England. I said it to impress you. Are you impressed?”
I laugh, some of the tension leaving me. “Very.”
We sip our drinks in silence for a bit and then Cove pushes his mug away. Knots form in my stomach at the simple gesture. Yes, I need to speak to him, but it washimwho soughtmeout. Which means nothing good is going to come from this conversation that he’s initiated.
“So…” I begin, nervously shredding my napkin into confetti and refusing to meet his eyes.
“I had fun last night, Mai-Tai.”
