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“I’m not the fucking expert, and have done everything I can,” he snaps, anger coming off him in waves. “You want another way, look for one.”
He’s right, I do want another way, I want Malia to live, but I’m out of ideas. I can’t bear to see her hurt, much less die. I bite my lip, staring at the skin, and swallow back the bile rising in my throat.
“This is fucking bullshit. I’m not having it.”
I drop Malia and storm out of the house, slamming the door behind me. I can’t take this anymore.
I need air.
I need space to think.
I need to find an alternative solution because I will protect Malia’s life with my own. Even if it means killing my brothers to save her.
The rage bubbling up inside of me is demanding to be sated.
All I want to do is cause destruction and I have no outlet for it.
“Bhodi!” Malia’s voice calls out behind me, but I ignore her, needing to get far away from her.
I know what I need to do. It’s the only solution left.
“Bhodi, stop.” Her voice is pleading. I can’t continue to run from her. She takes my arm and anchors me.
“I’ll be gone soon, you won’t have to be this way anymore.” She hesitates and looks away. I know what she’s trying to say and I don’t want to hear it.
“No.” I leave no room for discussion.
“Bhodi—”
“No, don’t say it. I won’t hear it, okay, little dot? It’s not happening. I can’t—” I take a deep breath and do my utmost not to cry or plead with her. “You should go back to the house, Malia. It’s not safe to be out here alone.”
“I’m not alone. I’m with you.”
“I’m leaving. Don’t follow me, I can’t keep you safe.”
The ache in my chest is killing me.
I’m suffocating, my head feels like it’s going to explode.
I have to do this, I have to protect her...
I force myself to take one last look at her. At her face streaked with tears, her bottom lip trembling as she tries to stand strong.
I fight the urge to gather her in my arms and never let her go.
To never let anyone hurt her.
To convince her to go away, hide somewhere, so she doesn’t get hurt by the people sworn to protect her.
But I can’t do it. I won’t do it. Because I’m not strong enough.
With a choked sob which I disguise as a cough, I turn away from the woman who is stealing my heart. My stomach twists in knots. My heart rips in two.
“Go home, little dot,” I whisper through the tears falling freely now.
“Bhodi—”
“GO!” I scream in her face, pushing her back gently and hating that she stumbles. I turn my back on her and take off running away from the beach. I need to get out of here. I need to fight.
