Page 100 of This Spells Love


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I never thought I’d ever get nostalgic about my creepy basement. But as I walk around my tiny apartment one last time, an uncomfortable ball forms in the back of my throat. Goodbye, tiny kitchen. Farewell, living-room-slash-dining-room-slash-bedroom.

I pull it together when it comes time to use the bathroom for the last time, that is, until I lay eyes on my eight-legged arachnid friend, dangling in the corner of my shower.

“Frank, you’ve been the best roommate I’ve ever had. I’m grateful we set aside our differences and coordinated our shower schedules. I hope you have a great life.”

I’m very aware that things have gotten a bit ridiculous. When my eyes start to brim with tears, I take it as a sign that I need to rip off the proverbial Band-Aid and head to the party.


For a partyI’ve been dreading, it starts off pretty great. I spot Sunny dressed asPretty WomanJulia when I’m still half a block from the party. She runs full speed in her hooker heels. Her tight red dress doesn’t hinder her in the least as she throws herself into my arms.

“Gemma! You’re here. There’s someone I want you to meet!”

Andre Cortez is a pediatric nurse. Turns out he and Sunny apparently made eyes at each other for a solid year and a half before Sunny got sick of waiting for him to make a move and asked him out for coffee the night she asked me to sub for her. My heart aches at the idea that I’m not going to see how this plays out, and I hope with every fiber of my being that Sunny gets the happily ever after she deserves.

The three of us walk into the house together. Like at the last party, the place is packed. However, Dax doesn’t seek me out this time. I make polite chitchat with Andre, who is interesting and funny and makes the kind of eyes at Sunny that let you know he’sgot it bad. When Dax still doesn’t appear, I seek him out, searching the living room, dining room, and kitchen before finally finding him in the backyard, sitting alone on a plastic Muskoka chair, staring at a potted fern.

He’s not in costume. The same funeral suit from this morning is still on his body, the red tie loosened and askew. There’s an empty scotch tumbler in his hands.

“There you are.”

He looks up at the sound of my voice, and a wide, genuine Dax smile breaks across his face.

“Hey, Gems.” He sets his glass down next to him and holds out his arms. I gladly accept the invitation to crawl into his lap.

“How’d the first day go?”

He hesitates before he answers. And because I know Dax, I know he only does that when he’s choosing his words carefully. Not a good sign.

“It was exactly what I expected it to be. People were nice enough. Work was fine.”

“But?”

He sighs and pulls me into his chest.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

It’s a very distinct subject change, and I go with it. “I love me a good costume party.”

“Oh yeah, I guess I should probably change. Although, maybe if I don’t, Juliet will find another guy at this party, and things will work out better for both of them.”

I know he means it as a joke. But I’ve drawn too many parallels between our costume choices and our situation tonight to find it funny.

“Hey.” He presses the pad of his thumb to the crinkle between my eyebrows and rubs it as if he’s erasing all my worries. “I was just kidding around. If you found another guy tonight, I honestlydon’t know how I’d handle it, but it wouldn’t be good. When I said I’m glad you’re here, I meant more than at this party. I’m glad you’re in my life. This last week has been the fucking worst. I still can’t think about my store for too long because I get so depressed. And it wasn’t even the fire. My shit wasn’t together long before that. I’m living in a basement. But the thing that makes me happy every time I think about it is seeing you. It would be an absolute fucking terrible time in my life right now if I didn’t have you, Gems. I just hope I can get back to the guy that I used to be. I think you’d like him better.”

I want to open my mouth and tell him that I know the guy he used to be, and I love that guy as much as I love the one sitting here with me now.

I feel like I’ve been ripped in half. There is one side of me that wants to stay here in his arms forever. Be his happy place. But the other half of me knows what I can give him if I go. Everything he’s ever dreamed about.

“We should play flip cup.” The idea forms at the same time the words leave my lips.

“Really?” He gives me this one-eyebrow look that makes me want to abandon the idea and instead smuggle him down to the sex cave, but I hold steadfast and stick to my plan.

“Yes.” I practically jump from his lap. “I thought you loved flip cup, or at least you did the last time we were at one of these parties.”

Dax takes my hand and tugs it until I climb back into his lap. He kisses a trail from my collarbone to my ear and whispers, “Confession time. I actually despise playing flip cup. But it was the best plan I could come up with at the time to get you to hang out with me.”

My heart picks up speed in my chest. “You were into me that night?”

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