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“I’ll text you later, okay?” His tone softens a little. I get a brief hand squeeze before he opens the door and waits for me to exit.
I make my way back out to the street, noting the sound of the metal lock flipping behind me.
Standing on the sidewalk in the twilight, I’m not sure if I should feel pissed at Dax for ousting me so abruptly or be asking his forgiveness for a relationship crime I’ve somehow unknowingly committed.
Confused, I walk home to Catherine Street, to my basement,with my bed and my spider and all my messy feelings. It’s probably for the best that I’m in for an early night anyway. I need to prep for my meeting with Priya.
Even though I’ve technically only been running Wilde Beauty for a few weeks, I do know a lot about the retail industry thanks to four long, soul-sucking years at Eaton’s Drug Mart. However, with Wilde, everything is different. First off, it’s mine, and I say that with the possessive confidence of a regency duke claiming his virginal soon-to-be bride.
Four times the number of Wildes would mean four times the profit and, therefore, four times the number of cute shoes in my closet.
On the other hand, it will be significantly more staff to manage, which means an exponential number of ways everything can go wrong. My brain ignores all the positives and instead imagines every possible scenario where things could go sideways. Fire, flood, famine. A bad review that goes viral. I start to spiral down into a deep, dark hole ofthis is a bad idea,even though I know in my gut that it’s a great one.
It’s the part where I normally call Dax. The part where he tells me to get out of my head and reassures me by reminding me of all the fabulous things I’ve done in my life. He holds my metaphorical hand until I calm the fuck down and can see straight again. I need his opinions. My itchy fingers reach for my phone. Just one little text to ask him if he thinks I’m making a mistake. If I’m steering the SSGemmain the right direction.
But I hesitate. Because he’s acting weird. Because things are different here. And I still have Kiersten’s words from this morning lingering in my head.
She picks up the phone on the fourth ring.
“I am capable of making risky decisions.” I say it before she has a chance to get out anything but a “Hello.”
There’s the sound of a deep sigh on Kiersten’s end of the line, and I can hear the muffled shuffle as she adjusts the phone to her ear.
“I know you are. And I’m sorry if I came off sounding a little harsh earlier. I had a long talk with my therapist afterward, and she told me I was an asshole.”
“Did she actually say asshole?”
“No. She used far more expensive words, but the sentiment was there.”
This is how Kierst and I work. No timeline can change that. Even when we fight, it only takes a phone call and a half apology to put things right. And even though we’re good now, I feel the need to explain to her why even though I know something like Dérive is probably good for me, looking into the future and seeing a giant gaping black hole of infinite possibility is terrifying. I need reassurance. Whether it’s her or Dax or someone else doing it. I don’t like to stare into an unknown abyss alone.
“Do you remember when I was little, and I watchedLittle Women,like, every single day for a year?”
I can hear the light laugh in Kiersten’s breath. “I still can’t watch that movie.”
“I liked knowing the end,” I admit. “Even the part when Beth died. I was okay with it because I saw it coming, and I could mentally prepare for it.”
“I get it, Gems,” she says. “I really do, but the predictable path is boring. And you miss out on the chance to try some really incredible things.”
“You make sense in theory. I don’t know. I think that’s why I always turn to you and Dax. If both of you agree with me, then it can’t be a bad idea.”
“You’re not wrong. However, I think there are some scenarioswhere the only answer is to trust your own gut. You’re a smart cookie. You make good decisions.”
“I guess.”
“So, are you going to see that woman about the spa tomorrow?”
“I think I should. I’m interested in hearing what Priya has to say. Wanna come and be my cheering section? I will pay in doughnuts and undying devotion.”
“I think this is one you need to do on your own.” There’s a long pause on Kiersten’s end of the line. “But I’m really proud of you, Gems,” she continues. “Whatever you decide, I know it’s going to be incredible.”
I hang up the phone with a lighter heart and a stomach filled with amped-up butterflies. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.
Or this life, at least.
By the time I turn out my bedside lamp, I feel ready to take on whatever tomorrow brings. And as I lay there in the darkness, staring up at either a mark on the ceiling I’ve never noticed or Frank’s new girlfriend, I think there’s only one thing that would make all of this more perfect.
My phone buzzes. It’s strangely on cue, and as I stare down at the text, it feels like the universe is sending me a message.
