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I debated buying the doughnuts. Kiersten has yet to tell me how her meeting went. I may have to boycott Nana’s indefinitely. But I craved the comfort of sugar the moment I saw Dax making sad eyes at his socks this morning.
“So…any word about the job yet?”
Kiersten picks up a pink-frosted doughnut covered in white coconut flakes. “I didn’t get it. They said it was close, but ultimately the other woman had more experience. I had a good, long, ugly cry about it last night, but I gave myself a little pep talk this morning, and now I’m feeling better. Someone will eventually give me a shot. I just need to keep trying. Right?” Her words are bright, but her voice cracks as she takes a heaving sigh.
Kierst has always been my person. The one I run to when my life falls to pieces. Now she’s the one with big, sad raindrop tears staining her cheeks. The one who needs someone to tell her it’s all gonna be okay.
I open my arms and pull her cheek to my boobs, letting her cry as I rub slow, soothing circles down her back.
“You’re a natural at this.” Her voice is muffled against my chest.
“Yeah, well, I learned from the best.”
Her hands tighten around my waist as she draws a deep breath. “I know it’s stupid to cry like this. It just felt serendipitous, you know? I know doughnuts, Gems. I would have been so perfect.”
“You would have.”
“I feel stupid saying it, but I need this.” She pulls away and wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand. “It feels like I’ve put my life on hold for years. I’ve been taking care of everyone else for so long that I…forgot who I was. I thought starting my own business would make me feel like me again.”
The tears return, and I rack my brain for something I can do to make it right.
“What if we rebranded Wilde Beauty?”
Kierst pulls a Kleenex from her pocket and attempts to wipe the black mascara smudges from her cheeks. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but any changes I’d suggest would be downgrades. You made Wilde Beauty perfect the first time.”
But that’s the thing.Ididn’t actually do any of it. Yes, I’ve had ideas over the years, half-formed plans from the nights I let myself dream, but the Wilde Beauty we both know and love was Other Gemma’s baby, not mine.
Kierst blinks until her tears clear, then takes a long, deep breath. “I thought Nana’s would be the perfect training wheels. Nana is so sweet. I fucking love doughnuts. I figured if I could learn as I go, it would give me the street cred to try something less familiar. Now I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do it. It’s not like another Nana’s will come along anytime soon.”
Another Nana’s won’t.
But a Wilde Beauty could.
A Wilde Beauty whose owner still has a lot to learn about starting up a business. Who needs to take risks and know that even if she fucks up a little, she will still be okay.
In an instant, the answer to whether I should stay or go becomes clear. My head may want to stay, but my heart knows what I need to do. For Kierst. For Dax. For me.
“I’m gonna go home.” I know it’s the right thing to do the moment I say it.
Kiersten stares intently at her doughnut. “Like to your house or home-home?”
The look on my face must communicate my answer because she nods.
“Let’s find a place to sit down.”
We walk to a nearby bench that looks onto the waterfront just off the paved path. The sky is a light blue with big fluffy storybook clouds. There is no breeze, so the lake is calm enough to see to the bottom in the shallowest parts.
“What prompted this sudden change of heart?” She takes a bite of her doughnut and moans softly to herself. “Oh, Nana, I forgive you already.”
I try to put into words what snapped in me just now. If I tell her she’s one of the reasons I need to go back, she’ll tell me that I’m being ridiculous. That she’s fine and I shouldn’t worry about her. So I focus on my second reason.
“In my world, Dax has everything he’s ever wanted. Kicks is locally famous and successful. But more importantly, he has this look to him back home—I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like a fire in his eyes. But here, that fire’s gone out. It’s like he’s lost. And I know you’re going to tell me that it’s not my fault, but I know I can fix things if I go back.”
For him and for Kiersten.
Kierst pauses with her doughnut midway to her mouth. “You didn’t mention all the parts about how happy you are here.”
Yes, those parts. I can’t deny that this is the happiest I’ve been in years. These last few weeks have been a weird kind of blessing. A chance to see all of the wrong turns I’ve made over the last four years and all of the things that could have been if only I’d trusted in my own abilities instead of taking the safe route.
