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“Come on, Kelly, I’m kidding. Plus, I know you don’t want to do that job forever. I know you’re not happy there, and you won’t always be a publicist shilling other people’s projects instead of your own.”
“That’s not the point!” I was shouting now. “I know my contribution here isn’t as much as yours. I know I don’t own anything of my own, and I barely subsist from paycheck to paycheck—”
“And spend too much on shoes.” He laughed.
“What I do is a real job. I put in the hours and sit at a desk just like you do. You can’t mock what I do and then loop back around and be critical just because I have friends and you don’t.”
“What are you even talking about? Ihavefriends. But I keep work at work and home at home. There are no blurred lines.”
“Oh please, you can’t tell me that the lines between your life at home and at work aren’t blurred, not with the hours you work and how hard you have to suck up for any kind of measly promotion to further your career—which is backed, in part, by your parents’ generous income.
“Haven’t you always said that if this didn’t work out you’d just fall back on the law and go work for your father? Your boss is one of your father’s golfing buddies. What I’ve done, I’ve worked for, and I’ve landed where I’ve landed because those were the choices available to me. You’ve had a hell of a lot better choices in your life, Rob. Don’t tell me you haven’t.”
Rob looked stunned. “Where is this coming from? What are we even fighting about? Because we might as well just toss all the food off the balcony and cancel if you’re going to be this much of a bitch.”
The phone rang. We both looked at each other. Neither of us stood up to answer it.
“That’s them,” I said. “I’m sorry. I’m nervous. I didn’t mean to fly off the handle with you.”
Rob looked tightly wound. He never cried. He never raised his voice. And he never used the b-word. The phone kept beeping. In one angry step, Rob moved off the couch to pick it up from the kitchen island.
“Hi.” Pause. “Yes, send them all up, we’re expecting them. Yes, we had a great holiday. Hope you did too.”
I stood up to take his hand as he hung up. “I know you work hard. I do. I just want you to see that I do too—even if my job is kind of useless sometimes.”
“Your job isn’t useless,” Rob said as he pulled me in tight. “I don’t know where all of this is coming from. I don’t know what you’re thinking.”
I squeezed him back, both my arms wrapped around his middle. “I’m a fighter. You’ve met my mother. But trying to figure out what goes on in my mind, that’s a freak show I wouldn’t recommend. Fighting is my natural state. I’m not me if I’m not miserable. What do you want from me, from us?”
Rob pulled away and held me at arm’s length. “Nothing,” he said. “I want nothing. I love you. I don’t have to think about it. I love you and that’s the end of it. I have my happy and then some. I don’t care what you do. I want you to be happy. And you never seem happy.”
“So not my natural state! I wouldn’t even know what to do with happy.Sheesh. Have you even met me?”
There was a quiet knock at the door.
“Let’s not be mad all night,” he said. “Let’s get drunk and show your friends a good time.”
I walked to the door and inhaled as deeply as the Spanx permitted. There was a rush of hot, stuffy hallway air as Garrett, Jen, Marianne, and Cash walked in. Their arms were full of wine and winter flower arrangements and what looked to be honest-to-goodness hostess gifts for me. Jen, who was tiny with dark hair and heavily lined eyes, smiled warmly. Introductions were made all around. I took everyone’s coats and hung them up in our tiny front-hall closet.
“Dude!” Garrett said, “your place is awesome and so grown-up. It’s as if you pay attention to those design shows.” He grabbed Rob’s hand and shook it firmly. “Rob, it’s nice to meet you, man, I’ve heard so much about you. Thanks for having us. We’ve been lonely not visiting the parents this holiday season. I’m homesick, so I’ve been looking forward to a festive-type meal.”
Jen laughed. “You are not homesick. The fact that you had nothing to do this Christmas except sit back and watchLord of the Ringshas made you the happiest I’ve seen you in months.”
“That might be true about theLord of the RingsDVD extravaganza, but I still insist that I’m a little sad not to be on the West Coast. Anything to escape the weather and not to have to travel a billion hours to get to a decent ski hill.”
Rob said, “Collingwood isn’t to your taste? We’ve skied there for years—it’s a great hill if you catch it right.”
“Sure,” Garrett said, “but I miss fresh Rockies powder.”
“I spent a season at Whistler once,” Rob said. “Waiting for Kelly to finish undergrad.”
“Cool,” Garrett said, drifting away.
“Can I get anyone a glass of wine?” Rob offered.
“We’ve brought some organic wine with us, let me grab it from my bag,” Marianne said. “The nitrates in store-bought wine do a number on me—wicked headaches.” She grabbed the bag she had dropped by the door and peered into it. “Oh no, Cash, I think I actually forgot it in the car—do you mind?”
“’Course not,” he said. “I’ll be back in a spliffy-jiffy.”
