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I did love Garrett, but I loved him in the context of this life, of this job, of the wonderful gift of a life that Rob had given me. Would I have loved him outside of that if it was just the two of us watching bad TV in our pajamas and eating takeout every night because we didn’t like the same food as each other? I didn’t know, but he couldn’t be my escape hatch either.
When I got back to the table, Marianne was sitting with Garrett, who looked absolutely miserable. She glared at me as I sat down. I just ignored her. Garrett turned toward me and said, “Why won’t she go away?”
Marianne pretended not to hear him and started chatting away about what a great party it was and how she hadn’t been expecting him to show up. “Where’s Jen?”
“Marianne,” I said, leaning over Garrett, “please take a hint and for once in your life, shut up. Go and do something useful.” I picked up my walkie-talkie and buzzed, “Beth, I’ve found the purse and handed it over, but Marianne’s looking for something to do. I’m sending her your way.”
“I don’t know what she has over you, Garrett,” Marianne said, “but you’re pathetic, and Jen deserves better than being treated this way by you. And you—” she said, pointing at me.
“Marianne,” Garrett said, “I’ve never liked you, not back home, not now, and especially not at this moment when you’re talking that way to one of my closest friends. Kelly’s not perfect. The other night got out of hand. But right now, I need her, and I don’t need you. In fact, if I never see, hear, or talk to you again, it won’t be too soon.”
Stunned into silence, Marianne slipped out of the booth and headed over to where Beth was standing. I saw Beth look back at me and shook my head. I didn’t need her to come over.
Garrett leaned back. “I need another drink.”
“Yes.”
“But I shouldn’t have another drink.”
“No.”
“Can we make out? I’ve wanted to forever, and I’m afraid I’ll never get the chance to kiss you,” he said.
“No.” I laughed. “I want to kiss you, too, but I don’t know for sure if Rob’s broken up with me, and I can’t cheat on him. I’ve hurt him enough as it is.”
“I’m not going back out west. I don’t want to.”
“You don’t have to. It’s all right to break up. It’ll just be hard.”
He considered this for a moment. “No, I can’t lose my job. I’ll never find another one, and I don’t want to freelance.”
“It’ll sort itself out. We’re young.”
“Not that young. I’ll be thirty next year.”
“You sound like Meg Ryan.”
“It’s true.”
“Guy thirty and girl thirty are two very different things. At least you have the start of a career.”
“True.”
And then we laughed. An honest-to-goodness things are going to be okay between us laugh.
Garrett said, “I feel like myself with you, all the time. I don’t have to pretend.”
“Maybe we’re a little too comfortable with each other.”
“I can’t believe that, I really can’t. It has to mean something.”
“It does. Maybe it means we’re each other’s ladders to the other side.”
“No.” His eyes were red rimmed, glassy. “No. He’s a good guy, he didn’t deserve me slobbering all over you. But fuck, Kelly, those shoes, that dress. And then seeing you together in that place, all grown-up and shit with real furniture. I wanted to punch him so hard.”
“We haven’t spoken in days. Rob talked to my mom and told her to come and get me. He couldn’t even face me.”
“Wow.”
