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“You’re good to them. They’re lucky to have you. You made the right decision.”
“See? I did consult an expert this time.”
Her lips curve. “I’m proud of you.”
“Ah. There’s hope for me yet.”
“What about the snake?” she asks with a hint of amusement. “Are you going to get him one?”
I sigh. “Maybe not a boa. Perhaps a harmless garden snake in a reptile cage.” Leaning over, I kiss her cheek. “But first, I’m getting you breakfast.”
“Won’t you run late? I can walk, you know.”
“No.” I make my voice stern. “The doctor said bedrest for at least two weeks.”
“Talking about doctors, how is Roch doing?”
“He was discharged yesterday.”
I tense, not sure how to tell her the news without hurting her. She’ll be happy for Roch and his girlfriend because that’s just who she is, but it’s going to twist the blade in deep. I know because I still feel that pain where it matters.
Alarm transforms her features. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing.” I try to smile but it’s stiff and unnatural. “They’re expecting a baby.”
As I feared, a landslide of hurt flashes through her eyes. It lasts only for a millisecond before joy replaces it, but I notice. The tears that make those dark pools glisten rip me apart.
I take her hand. “Sabella.”
She pulls away and says in a too high voice, “I’m so happy for them. That’s wonderful news.”
That blade drives all the way through my heart. I have nothing to offer that can console her, nothing but my inadequate words. “I’m sorry.” Two words I never meant more in my life.
She wipes the back of her hand over her eyes. Like mine, her smile is stilted. “It’s fine.”
Nothing can be further from the truth, but I get it. She doesn’t want to talk about it.
“You better get ready, or you’ll be late,” she says.
I understand this unspoken message too. She wants to be alone.
“Go,” she says, sniffing as she shoves me playfully. “And if you speak to Roch before I do, please tell him I say congratulations.”
“You can tell him yourself.” I drag myself away from my wife and get out of bed. Pulling my T-shirt over my head, I make my way to the dressing room. “He won’t be going back to teaching for at least another week. He wanted to check in on you.”
“I’d like that.”
I grab a clean outfit and head for the shower even though the distance I put between us goes against every grain of my being.
“I’ll be quick,” I say, keeping my tone upbeat. “Can you wait five minutes, or is your belly demanding to be fed without delay?”
“Five minutes.” She grins. “But not a second longer.”
“You can hold me to it,” I say with a lightness I don’t feel.
Because I want Sabella. I crave her when I can’t touch her until she’s healed. I want to take her in my arms and caress every part of her bruised and broken body. I want to cover every inch of her skin with my kisses. I want to erase what they did to her with my touch. I want to wipe that memory from her mind.
But when I close the bathroom door behind me, I know it’s too early. I know she’s not ready. That’s why she needed to shower alone. That’s why I wore a T-shirt and pajama bottoms to bed. And I’m afraid she may never be ready again.
