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As if my suffering isn’t already enough, the announcement rips the world from under my feet.
His tone is strangely sympathetic. “It’s better like this. I don’t want a repeat of what happened this week. You shouldn’t have had to deal with a sickness that could’ve easily turned for the worse.”
I can’t say I didn’t know it was coming, but the pain twists deeper, knotting itself into my soul. It’s only made worse by the insight that hits me. That’s why he brought the diamonds. He didn’t offer me jewelry to apologize for his callous actions. He brought bling to soften the blow of ripping Sophie away just when I got used to having her in my life. It’s a sad, pathetic gesture. If he possessed one ounce of emotional intelligence, he’d know nothing can fill the hole that Sophie’s absence will leave in my heart.
He pushes down the handle, preparing to leave.
Consumed by anger and grief, I strike out with words. I retaliate in the only way I can, biting out my spiteful statement. “I hope I never fall pregnant.”
He stills.
Even as I make the statement, I already regret it, because it’s the worst betrayal of all—betraying myself. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, just not so soon. Not like Mattie. And strangely, I suddenly understand what my sister felt and why she was willing to sacrifice her career for a man. For a family. Because it’s never been a sacrifice to her. Being a mother has always been more important. Ironically, it’s the ugly, dishonest words that give me clarity. I want to take them back, but it’s too late. I do want a child, but not now and not in Angelo’s world.
His tone is level but not entirely without feeling. “Just for the record, I do care.” He opens the door and shuts it on that declaration.
“But not enough,” I whisper in the crippling loneliness of his absence.
ChapterFive
Sabella
Istand in the middle of Sophie’s room, clutching her favorite fluffy bear against my chest. My heart rips in two when I remember her quiet tears and unhappy face as Angelo carried her to his car. I’ll never forget the look in her eyes when she stared at me from over his shoulder. Her dejection wasn’t aimed at him. It was targeted at me as if I was the one who betrayed her.
Bringing the bear to my nose, I inhale the scent of candy apples. The perfume is part of a toiletry range for little girls that Fabien supplied. It was a nice touch when he stocked her bathroom. The smell reminds me so vividly of Sophie that I feel her absence with even more intensity.
A sob catches in my throat. I didn’t think I could be lonelier than when Angelo banished me to this deserted house, but I was wrong. My attachment to Sophie makes the emptiness that settles around as well as inside me worse. I lost people I cared about before. Losing my dad left a scar on my soul that will never heal. Saying goodbye to my family without knowing if I’ll ever see them again flayed my heart open and left it bleeding. When Pirate died, my grief was like a ravine that opened in my being never to close again.
I thought I’d be stronger and better prepared from experience, but as it turns out, every separation is unique. The suffering each one brings is new and different. The gnawing concern about falling pregnant doesn’t help. What I do know from experience is that there’s only one remedy—time and more time. And the only medicine that will prevent me from falling into a pit of despair while time does its magic is to keep busy. Clean. Cook. Bake. Compile an endless list of chores.
My priority is to get to the village. I not only have to buy a pregnancy test, but I’m also anxious to explain my absence to the people I started caring about. They must think I abandoned them without as much as an excuse or explanation. It’s only late morning. If I leave now, I can make it back before sunset.
The urgency that drives me doesn’t dull the ache in my heart, but focusing on what needs to be done distracts me. Once I’m warmly dressed, I sneak out the kitchen door and hide behind the bushes until I reach the secret path Sophie showed me. This way, Angelo’s guards won’t spot me.
Anguish fuels my steps, allowing me to reach the village in record time. Mrs. Paoli clasps a hand over her heart when she opens her door. Diva runs up with a bark. I crouch down to pet her.
“My goodness,” Mrs. Paoli cries out. “I thought you moved away.” Adopting a guilty look, she continues, “Or that your husband locked you up in that horrible house on the hill. We didn’t know what to do. Mr. Martin was on the point of gathering a search party.”
“I’m sorry.” I give Diva a scratch behind the ear before straightening. “Sophie had measles, and I had to stay home to take care of her. I wish I could’ve called.”
Mrs. Paoli pulls her mouth into a frown. “Do you still not have a phone?”
I make a face. “I’m afraid not.”
“Your husband needs a good lecture, that’s what that devil of a man needs.”
Quickly changing the subject, I say, “I’m glad to see you’re looking better.”
“I’m fully recovered, thank goodness. More importantly, how’s Sophie?”
The pain flares like a fresh wound that’s being poked. “She’s fine now.” I add in a bright voice, “In fact, she’s starting school tomorrow.”
She folds her hands in front of her. “That’s good then.”
“I suppose you don’t need me to walk Diva any longer,” I say with a smile.
“Don’t let that turn you into a stranger. Stop by for a cup of tea when you’re in town.”
“I’ll do that.”
