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“What are you looking at?”
I jerk in response to the sound of Terrance’s voice and spin around coming face to face with him. He is smiling, that is until he sees what it was that I’d found to be so interesting.
“What is he doing here?” His jaw flexes with irritation and he continues to stare at the man that has caused him so much heartache over the years. “More importantly, why is the basket I saw just this morning on our kitchen counter sitting in front of him?”
I could lie, I could tell him that I didn’t know that he’d be here. Or that he’d randomly drawn the number to my basket. I could pretend to be hiding in the corner of the room, due to not wanting to take the chance and run into the man who abused my husband. But I can’t do any of those things, because though I may stink at secrets I’m even worse at lying.
“I had your father’s name for the gift basket.”
Again Terrance’s jaw flexes over and over and I know he’s trying to hold himself together.
“I’ve been making him treats over the last few months and ensuring that he gets everything he needs.” I know I could have left the last part off, but honestly I have a terrible habit of opening my mouth and every thought I have pretty much falls out.
“Grace,” Terrance runs his fingers through his hair. Tugging on the ends, he turns away from me and I want to reach out for him only I don’t.
When he turns back to me, he doesn’t look at me, I think that is the part that hurts the most.
“Can you get a ride?” My heart feels like it plummets, my stomach feeling hollow.
I nod, feeling tears pool within my eyes.
“I’ll see you at home.”
I watch as he walks away and doesn’t look back, pushing the exit door a little harder than necessary.
An hour later, after I’ve hid in the corner doing my best to keep from breaking apart piece by piece, Aunt Maria asks me if I need a ride home. She doesn't push for details; I think most everyone that was at the church knows already why Terrance left in a hurry. No one tells me I’m wrong, I don’t need to hear something I already know.
As we pull into the driveway and creep past the trees, the front of our house comes into view. There on the front step sits Terrance and immediately I notice the beer bottle in his hand.
“Let him talk sweetheart,” Aunt Maria says as she slows to a stop. “That man is the one that lived through hell, hear him, without judgment, set yourself outside the scenario and listen. I nod, feeling too raw to speak as I climb out of the car and close the door behind me.
Terrance focuses on the ground, at the end of the stairs, at the cracked stepping stone that he’s talked of replacing but hasn’t gotten around to yet.
I pause, trying to even out my breath as I worry my lip.
Let him talk.
“I don’t want that man in my life, Grace. It took me a long time to face that. You think he’s good, I know you,” Terrance lifts his gaze to meet mine. “You see the good in everything but I promise you Grace there is no good in that man. I spent my childhood wishing for it, I’d sit in bed every night thinking maybe tomorrow he’ll be better. But you know what,” he shakes his head. “That tomorrow never came. He plays head games, convinces everyone around him he’s changed but the truth is he’s only gotten better at hiding the fact that he’s a drunk.”
I can see the emotions in his eyes and it's heartbreaking.
“I need you to stay away from him, promise me you’ll do that.” I immediately start nodding regretting every choice I made in regards to that man.
“I can’t stand the idea of him hurting you, or our child. I won’t be able to control myself if something like that happens.” I move in closer and sit on the step before him. “I took it for years, but you,” he shakes his head as if to attempt to clear his thoughts. “That would be the end game for him. Please listen to me when I say, he’s still the same man he’s always been.”
“I’m sorry,” I confess. “I don’t want you mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you, baby.” Terrance lifts his hand and drags his thumb over my cheek. “I know the idea of this came from a good place. It’s who you are, it's one of the many reasons why I am so incredibly in love with you.” Cupping my face with his hand he holds my stare. “You see the good in everything and everyone,” he leans in and presses a kiss to my lips. “Believe me on this Grace, please baby,please.”
I move closer and wrap my arms around him, breathing in his scent.
“I love you,” I whisper and he hugs me tighter. “And I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry,” he tells me, as he turns and his whiskers tickle my cheek. “I know why you did it, but he isn’t worth the effort. Give that love and care to someone that appreciates it, because he never will.”
I let Terrance hold me, feeling like he’s pieced me back together. I don’t like when we are at odds, I never have.
He’s not only my husband but he’s also my best friend.
