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“Because you love me,” Grace sings songs as she steps up to my side. Wearing a matching costume, if it wasn’t me that looked like a menace I would probably laugh.
‘It’s two hours, the kids love it and—,”
“If that little devil Tommy from last year wipes another booger on me then I cannot be held responsible for my actions.” I stare her down and I can sense she wants to laugh. “And then there is that girl with the beady eyes, I get what you mean by her being frightening. She seriously gave me nightmares.”
“I know right,” Grace nods. “She is for real the poster child for horror movies.”
“So you won’t mind if I trip her when she is walking up on stage?”
“Her dad might, considering he’s an attorney,” Grace shrugs. “But hey take your chances.”
I roll my eyes and again look at my reflection in the mirror.
I’ve thought about it long and hard; I’ve lost sleep over the idea of having children of my own and I can honestly say, I’m happy with the way things are. Just Colt and I, it’s comfortable, but I know that is unfair to him. He’d make an amazing father, the way he is with Sarah and even Blake. When I see him in that mode, I seriously reconsider my life plan.
I know my hesitations stem from the childhood I had, and the shitty parents I was raised by. Prior to Brooklet I was bitter, and tormented. I guess that’s what led me to the free lifestyle, that non-commitment choice, but then Colton had to completely smash that plan.
“Are you ready?” Grace grabs her clipboard.
“Do I have a choice?” Next year I am hiding when it comes time to Grace’s holiday music show. She’s into all this stuff, yet another reason why she makes an amazing teacher, and will be the perfect Mom. “Tell me again why Julian isn’t wearing an elf costume?”
“Because he’s Santa.” Her smile widens and I know my eyes just grew as big as saucers.
“How is it that I didn’t know this until now?”
“I knew you’d be in a sour mood, so this is me, offering you a smile.” She grabs my elbow and leads me out of the room, and yes I smile the entire walk to the gym.
When we step onto the stage and Julian comes out from behind the curtain on the opposite side I can’t help but laugh.
“Girl, I make a cute Santa.” He places his hand on his hips to challenge me.
“Oh my darling friend,” I reach out to smooth his coat. “Santa isn’t supposed to be cute; he is supposed to be jolly. Where is your jelly shaking belly?”
“My belly will never shake,” he deadpans, looking horrified at the thought.
I truly thought I could hold it together, I tried, oh good Lord did I try... but I failed.
I failed miserably, as I hold onto my stomach and bend at the waist, snickering and trying to tame my laughter. Tears roll down my cheeks and I must look like a crazy maniac. Maybe the other staff will think I’m drunk and kick me out of the show.
One can only wish.
“You look like a deranged elf,” Julian adds, trying to make himself look less like a tool. But never have I ever seen a Santa with a six-pack, or a tight little butt.
“It’s Santa on steroids,” I point to him and Grace nudges my arm. “Seriously, you couldn’t find a frumpy guy to play Santa?” I point to Julian.
“I asked my dad but he just laughed at me and walked away shaking his head. Rhett shut the door in my face before I finished the sentence and Colton said, only if you were Mrs. Claus and would do a strip tease on stage wearing only lace and silk.”
This only makes me laugh harder. One because I can imagine Colton telling her that, because my husband is a pervert and two, how did any of those three make this any less awkward.
“Your dad, brother or Colton don’t change the fact that Santa is supposed to be a tubby, older man with a full beard.”
Well elves are supposed to be happy and full of fun and you're a bitter shrew.” Julian narrows his eyes, staring at me, daring me to argue. I don’t, I am hating this outfit, and the little pants are riding up in places no outfit should ride up.
“I take it back, you make a perfect Santa, I think you’ve put on a few pounds over the last few months, you’re filling out quite nicely in the butt, and those thighs are definitely thicker.”
“Bitch!” Julian huffs and looks at Grace. “She is lying, right? Please tell me she is lying.”
“She is lying?”
