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I force myself to not roll my shoulders into my body and give him exactly what he wants. He’s always made me feel small. Maybe it’s silly, but Declan gave me a little bit of strength last night. Even if I have no idea if his interest in me only goes so far as his cock and has nothing to do with me as a person.
Not that it should have anything to do with me, considering the entire reason I’m working at The Irish Rose.
If he ever finds out betraying him was my intention from the beginning, it will not end well for me. Declan is a dangerous man. How much will he make me pay? I can only hope it won’t cost me my life.
I clear my throat and try to stop myself from shifting on my feet. I know how my father feels about showing weakness. Giving him ammunition against me is the last thing I need.
I keep my voice neutral and my face blank, “Declan has invited me to an underground fight tonight.” Father’s eyes sparkle with excitement and my heart starts to pound. “They take place in the basement of Emerald.”
“We knew he had a fighting ring and suspected Emerald housed them but weren’t sure.” He rubs the underside of his jaw like he’s a villain in a fucking movie. All I want to do is leave, but I can’t. Not yet. “We can use that,” his words are clearly more for himself than me.
I can only nod and swallow to keep the rising panic in my chest at bay. He really doesn’t care he’s put me in harm’s way. He doesn’t care about me at all.
“Is there anything else?”
My eyes snap to my father’s, and I can only shrug one shoulder. “I’ve heard talk about an issue with the cannabis dispensary. Something about the supply? But I don’t know anything more about it.”
The smug look on his face tells me he is either responsible or knows who is. How does he not see the danger he’s put himself in? Not just himself, but his entire family.
“You’ll give Declan whatever he wants for him to keep you close.”
My mouth drops open as my mind stutters to a stop. “What do you mean? Whatever he wants?”
Father rises from the couch, his eyes intense and focused on me. He looks at me like I’m a stranger and not his daughter. It chills me and has my knees getting weak. I want to run, but I can’t.
“You will dangle yourself in front of him as a temptation he must have. Then he’ll spill all his secrets.”
I blink at my father, my heart breaking as a rage I’ve never felt before roars to life inside of me. “No,” I grit out through my teeth. “I’m your daughter, not some whore you can use in some stupid clandestine spy game you think you’ll win.”
The moment the words leave my mouth, I know I’ve made a mistake. My father’s hand flies much faster than I ever anticipated. I hear the slap before I even feel the sting of his hand against my cheek. Tears well up in my eyes and I’m not able to get myself under control fast enough before one slips past my lashes.
“You will do what you’re told and, maybe this one time, you’ll be useful to me.” He makes a tsking sound as he caresses the cheek he’s just slapped. My skin is heated in the shape of his hand. “You’ll need to clean that.”
When he drops his hand, mine immediately rises. I make a hissing sound when I feel wetness near my cheekbone and pull my fingers away to find them a little bloody. When I look at my father’s hand, I notice it’s the same hand he wears his ring on, and it must have cut into my skin.
“You’ll earn your place in this family, finally,” his voice is cold. “Considering we’re not in Ireland anymore and I can’t arrange for you to marry someone who fights for the cause, this will have to do.”
I’m still too stunned to speak. He’s never hit me before. I’ve never seen him raise a hand to Mom either. What has gotten into this man? I don’t even recognize him.
I nod, fear and sadness waging war inside of me. How did we get here? What can I find hope in now?
When he doesn’t say anything else, I take it as my cue to leave. He doesn’t stop me, and I don’t look back. I think seeing vindication without a hint of regret in my father’s eyes would only break me further.
I’m on autopilot as I head back to my place. I can’t believe he just hit me. Then there was the look in his eyes telling me he would do it again.
What have I gotten myself into?
Am I really going to ever get out?
Father might have agreed he won’t ask anything more of me when it comes to the cause, but I have a feeling it was more to get me to agree to his plan than anything else. He’ll pull me back into another one of his schemes if he thinks it will benefit him. I’ll be used for a cause I’m not even sure I believe in again and again. How long will it take before I’m used up?
Haven’t there been enough casualties?
Why can’t he just let it go and bask in the relative peace those in Northern Ireland enjoy now?
It’s not perfect, but is anything? Intellectually I understand what he fights for, but what does his reality look like? How many more people need to give their lives for something which could be found through negotiation and compromise?
When I stumble up to the door of my apartment, I’m barely able to keep my tears at bay. The rollercoaster my emotions are on come to a screeching halt when I notice the large box from a high-end store in front of my door. Oh, and the smaller, but no less significant, box on top of it.
