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“I’ve always been shit at explaining things—at explaining feelings. You gotta give me some grace because feelings weren’t fucking talked about when I was growing up.”
I slowly reach my hand over toward him. Toward the side of the bed where he’s on his knees, looking at me as if he’s begging for something. I almost think he doesn’t notice, but there’s a slight flicker of his eyes as they land on where my fingers stop.
“I’ve been watching you. It’s no secret that you’ve caught and held my attention. And I’ve done my due diligence on you. I always do my due diligence. I know you better than most people will ever care to. I know about the things you wish you could forget. I know you think those things darken your light, but no amount of darkness could ever diminish the way you radiate.”
He stops talking, and I swear I stop breathing. There’s no way he knows everything. He’s talking about Enzo.
“Such a poet, Niccolò,” I say, because my brain suddenly cannot string words together.
He brings his hand up to meet mine, and our fingers find each other’s. It’s slow. So damn slow. Painfully slow. But the pads of his fingers ghost over mine, and they just barely touch until suddenly, he grabs hold of my hand and laces his fingers with mine.
“See?” I ask, trying to ignore the words that he just said. Trying to ignore the way they strike through me like a bolt of lightning. “Stalker.”
He shuts his eyes briefly, and his brows furrow.
He looks down at where our hands are laced together, and something flashes in his eyes before he clenches them shut.
“I’m not a good man. And I can’t be anything for you or to you,” he says, and my heart seizes in my chest.
He pulls his hand away from mine, and I look at him, stunned. This is not where I expected this conversation to go.
“I’m so fucking worthless when it comes to you, when it comes to anyone who I ever care about. But I’d give anything to protect you. I haven’t been doing a good enough job of that. Clearly.”
He inhales a deep breath, and his tongue darts out to lick at his lips. “I think that was part of the reason I was so intent on ‘stalking’ you. Yeah, Evelina. You’re fucking gorgeous. There is something magnetic about you, something that pulls me to you. Something that is relentless and unforgiving and so fucking tempting. But I also feel this fucking guttural need to be close. To protect you at all costs.” He lets out another long sigh. “What happened in the bookstore…what happened in the car. It can’t happen again.” He stops and looks at me dead in the eyes. His own darken as something vacant glosses over them. “I won’t get close enough to hurt you. Because I fucking swear, if something happens to you because of me, it’ll be the end of me.”
My head hurts.
My fucking heart hurts.
My stomach lurches.
And if I didn’t already have whiplash, I do now.
I felt like I was getting somewhere. Like I was breaking a code that had never been broken before.
“Just let me protect you, Evelina. You deserve that. I don’t think anyone has ever done that for you without ulterior motives.”
He isn’t wrong, but I’m not ready to admit that.
“I am not a good man. I fucking lie and steal and con and kill… The list is endless. Somehow, though…I know I can protect you, keep you safe. You won’t have to worry about anything. You’ve gone through enough at the hands of the people who should have protected you. So just give in. A little. Let go and let me fucking take over for a while, okay? I can’t be much for you, but let me be that man.”
29
NICCOLÒ
How the fuck could I be that careless with Evelina?
Touching her again. Fucking making her come like it’s something I have any business doing.
Allowing her to get under my skin to the point of letting her in instead of keeping her at arm’s length—where she’s meant to be. Where I swore I’d keep her if I ever got her back.
I’ve always known she’s special. But she isn’t meant to be mine, and I sure as fuck can’t be hers.
The woman deserves a stand-up man, a white picket fence, and a fucking perfect golden retriever.
Not me.
Not a man with enough darkness inside of him to burn down this entire city.
