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“I don’t want to do this anymore,” he found himself saying, fighting to keep his voice steady.
“What are you talking about?”
Chris looked him in the eyes, his hands clenched into fists beneath the table. “I don’t want to be your whore anymore. I don’t want to pay for an apartment where I’m being fucked by strangers so you can get your sick revenge. And if—”
“Yo, take a breath.”
Chris took one because his chest hurt. He readied himself for a sharp refusal because, just a few days ago, at Central Park, Jay had made it clear Chris was still his, and nothing would change that. He placed his palms on the table, about to push himself up and leave.
“I’ll stop the lease on the apartment and block the numbers of all the guys I was in contact with.”
Chris stared at Jay, waiting for the familiar smirk to appear, but it didn’t, and then the waitress came with their pizzas.
“Eat,” Jay said.
“Did you mean that?”
Jay took a bite. “Shit, hot. Shit.”
“Did you mean it?” Chris asked again. “Are you going to stop making me do those things?”
Jay blew on his pizza. “Yeah, we can stop.”
“Why?”
“You’re seriously asking me why? I can still change my mind.”
Chris kept staring at him, not backing down. If he couldn’t be convinced that Jay’s motives were honest, the fear he might change his mind would keep nesting in his chest.
Jay sighed. “I missed having the four of us together, minus the lies and the pretending. And Ethan’s obviously suspecting something’s going on between you and me.” He shrugged. “I rather not risk it.”
Chris looked away, thinking that he was going to believe Jay because he, too, could relate to the fear of losing their reunited group, as dysfunctional as it was.
“What about the videos of me you took in the cabin?”
Jay pulled out his phone, logged into his Google Drive, and then deleted the three videos he’d taken after Ethan and Anthony left the cabin. Chris had no way of knowing if those degrading videos had backups, but he decided not to push his luck.
One bite of pizza was enough to stir his taste buds and awaken his stomach. He had earned every empty carb. They barely spoke as they ate, but there was no tension in that silence. Chris didn’t believe they would ever be as close as they used to be. Those rivers of bad blood would not dry out any time soon, but for now, their fragile truce was enough.
At one point, Jay casually asked, “Do you think I should get a haircut?”
Without a pause, Chris said, “Yes, and also fix your beard.”
“I asked about my hair.”
“And you got a bonus.”
Jay rolled his eyes. “The world’s a shallow place.”
“Deliberately hiding your good looks won’t add depth to it.”
Chris was about to finish his pizza when both his and Jay’s phones rang with incoming messages. It was from Anthony, inviting them to his apartment on Wednesday evening for dinner. He used an oven emoji, which meant he was going to flex his baking skills.
“Since when is he into hosting?” Jay asked.
“It’s probably because of Ethan. Ant usually bakes when he’s either happy or worried about something.” And they hadn’t given him a reason to be worried yet.
“If we’re all meeting up, we’ll need to tell them what’s going on.” Jay pushed his remaining two slices away, his eyes troubled.
