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I spin around. No, I have to stop it.
They’ll see the connections—they’ll realize I’m riven—
A few paces down the ring behind me, another mask rips upward. I recognize the dark eyes and heavy brow of a women I’ve seen bringing out food in the dining hall.
Over by the carts, one of the horses squeals in pain. A gasp escapes my lips.
What have I done to the animal? Is its harness digging deeper into its flesh?
No, no, I can’t let this happen. Startled murmurs are breaking out all around me, along with hysterical laughter from those too far gone to be afraid.
The horse cries out again.
I pitch myself to the side, farther away from the fire, and crouch down with my hands pressed over my mask as if I’m afraid I’ll lose it too. As if I have no idea what’s happening.
With my eyes pressed tightly shut, I drag my magic back to me. I need to contain it. I need to make sure it doesn’t rampage any farther.
I have to shut it away before it getsmekilled.
My power jerks against my unsteady hold. It could do so much more. It could topple them all to the ground. It could fling them into the fire.
No, I scream at it inside my head. All that’ll mean is more chaos. More damage I can’t control.
There’s a shattering sound—I think the breaking of one of the warped masks. A tendril of my magic escapes me and flits into the fire, sending a flame lashing out at the scattered ring.
More shrieks. I scuttle farther away with my hands tangling in the grass.
Ster. Torstem’s voice rises over the furor. “The gods act in unusual ways! They want us to prove we’re worthy. Perhaps there’s one among us who isn’t. Stand and present yourselves.”
Fuck. I don’t know if I evencanstand up straight without falling right over again. I’m shaking with the effort to contain the rest of my power. My head feels like it’s been tipped upside down and kicked across a field for good measure.
Footsteps rustle through the grass toward me. Can I even trust what words will spill out of my mouth in my muddled state?
In the midst of all the terror and anguish, a clear voice breaks through my whirling thoughts from within them.
Ivy? What’s going on?
I can’t tell Julita—I can’t speak to her without them all hearing.
I lift my head, attempting to push myself to my feet, and lose my balance. Instead, I topple back on my ass.
Torstem is stalking toward me, the hawk illusion draped over his face and feathering his cloak looking even more ominous than it did before.
I swipe at my mouth where a hint of the sour flavor lingers, the most answer I can offer my ghostly passenger who’s finally returned. “Hard to… hard to keep everything under control,” I mumble as if to myself.
Julita must be able to sense enough to figure out the gist of the situation. She speaks quickly but firmly.Okay. We can get through this. I had ways of staying centered when Borys and Wendos would drag me into their rituals… Press your hands and your feet flat against the ground.
I follow her instructions automatically, adjusting my legs so the soles of my boots brace fully against the earth, leaning my splayed hands against the grass on either side of me.
Focus on all that stability,Julita goes on.Imagine you have roots growing all the way down into the soil, anchoring you there. Deeper than any drug they could have fed you.
With every word, the image she’s giving me solidifies. I drag air in and out of my lungs and feel those roots as if they’ve literally sprouted from my palms and heels.
For good measure, I imagine branches unfurling inside me too, weaving into a box to hold my power in.
“The professor’s assistant, isn’t it?” Torstem says, coming to a stop in front of me. “You look as though you aren’t doing all that well.”
My attempt at anchoring myself helps me fend off the dizziness. “I think perhaps I drank a little too much wildness,” I say, managing to keep up my noble diction, and let out a laugh I hope sounds more breezy than hysterical. “I’m a bit of a lightweight.”
