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I halt with a jolt of apprehension that shoots from my gut to my throat. Am I really going to put this proposition out there, even tentatively?
I said she’d been a good friend, didn’t I? I’ve told her I trust her, and I do.
This would be as much a thank you to her for all the ways she’s helped me navigate this world as it is to Alek.
It’s some kind of miracle that I can offer her anything at all after the awfulness she’s been through, including her own brutal murder.
I take a couple of steadying breaths to solidify my resolve. It still takes concentrated effort to form the words. “I thought we could make a deal. If I… relaxed and let you come forward, the way you’ve tried to before—the way you did when you made me let Alek and Benedikt into Stavros’s quarters… you could talk to Alek. Reassure him about how you really feel. Explain things. Show him you’re all right, or as well as can be expected. Just for a few minutes, and then you’d pull back. I wouldn’t—”
Ivy, Julita breaks in, her voice a little shaky with shock.Are you sure? I’d never have asked—
“I know. That’s the only reason I feel okay offering.” I swallow down the nausea that’s pooled in my stomach and square my shoulders. “You—you deserve to have at least one more glimpse of actual life while you’re still here.”
Julita lets out a raw laugh.I wish I could hug you right now. You have no idea how honored I am that you’d give me this chance. You just let me know when you’re ready. And if you change your mind, I won’t be upset.
I inhale and exhale one more time and lean against the wall. “Let’s get it over with. Ready when you are.”
I will my mind to wander as if in a daydream. My heart thuds on, but it feels more distant in my detached state.
Then the tingle of Julita’s presence at the back of my skull ripples through my awareness.
My nerves jump with the instinct to block her way. I manage to rein myself in, floating on those ripples rather than fighting them.
My sense of my body turns fuzzy, as if I’m slightly numb from head to toe. My limbs move—my arms nudging me off the wall, my feet stepping across the floor—without any direction from me at all.
It is like floating. Drifting along inside a body I no longer control, all sensations clouded.
Is this how Julita feels all the rest of the time, when she’s the one towed along by my decisions?
She saunters into the main meeting room but jerks to a stop when Alek glances around at her.
At us.
Her mouth stretches with a smile. “Gods above. Alek—it’s so good to properly see you again. I don’t even know where to begin.”
Her voice sounds strange to my ears even though it’s technically my own. I’m not sure if it’s only because of my warped perspective or because she actually has a different cadence until Alek stiffens in his chair.
He can clearly tell something’s changed.
“What’s going on?” he says. “Ivy—”
Julita lets out a giggle that’s definitely not a sound I’d normally emit. “She gave me a chance to speak to you properly. She really is a much more spectacular human being than any of you give her credit for.”
Alek’s posture stays rigid, but his jaw slackens. “Julita?” he croaks.
“In the flesh! Well, Ivy’s generously lent flesh.” She walks toward him, sliding her hand along the edge of the table as if reveling in the sensation. “I’m so sorry everything’s become such a mess. I—”
Alek springs to his feet when she’s still a couple of paces away from him.
“No,” he interrupts, his voice taut. “Stop. Bring Ivy back.”
Julita freezes, and I go still inside her.
Why’s he so upset? I thought he’d be happy to get this chance.
“She suggested this, Alek,” Julita says quietly. “She offered. I promise you I’d never have—”
A tremor runs through Alek’s tensed frame. “It doesn’t matter. This iswrong. You’ve already— Bring her back,now.”
