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“You can’t pay that back,” I state matter-of-factly.
“I can’t pay it back,” he rasps.
I watch him, waiting for the other shoe to drop because I know it will. It has to. And it has to do with me. That is why I’m here. It has to do with me, and it’s not because he needs my accounting expertise.
“Just tell me,” I exhale.
I brace myself for something, anything, but assume I won’t be able to finish my last year of college at the very least. He won’t be able to afford it. He won’t be able to cosign for a loan for me either, so I can do it myself. But I can handle that. I can work it out and figure out a way to get a student loan at a stupid high interest rate. Whatever it is, I will get it handled. I am strong and resilient.
I suck in a breath and hold it as he begins to speak again. “The loan I took out, it wasn’t traditional.”
“Dad?”
He clears his throat, standing and turning his back to me as he walks over to the window. His view is of the entire Strip. He can see all the casinos, all the lights, the people, the action. Every piece of the entire world that I know as home.
“I asked them to invest their money. The interest rate was high, but they didn’t require any tax returns or anything. It was too easy, and I’d dealt with it before and was always able to pay it all back, so I didn’t think it would matter. But the economy isn’t what it was, and I’m not going to be able to pay it back.”
“A loan shark?” I ask.
My mom lets out a little whimper behind me, but I can’t look at her. My focus is on my dad’s back and only my dad’s back. It’s slumped, his shoulders are down, and his head is bowed. He is a man defeated.
“Not quite,” he rasps. “But it doesn’t matter. They want their investment back. They want my casino.”
“Or?”
This conversation is like pulling teeth. But slowly, he turns to face me, his eyes finding mine, and something I can’t read flashes in his gaze as it holds mine. He lets out another heavy sigh before he continues. He sounds as if he’s forcing the words out, and maybe he is.
“That wasn’t really an option, Claire. You know that. Everything we have, everything I am, is in this casino.”
“What are you trying to tell me?”
He clears his throat, lifting his hand and running his fingers through his hair before he finally tells me why he’s brought me here. Why he looks like his life is about to be over, mixed with a tinge of something unreadable. I don’t know why I’m worried about him, though. After he tells me, I realize it’s really got nothing to do with him and everything to do with me.
“The only stipulation they had for letting me keep the loan without having to pay it back in full. For allowing me to use that money. To keep the casino open and hopefully turn a profit and get it back up to its former glory was… to give you to them.”
A pin could drop, and it would make a deafening sound in this moment. I stare at my father, my lips parted in awe. I’m unsure of what to say. I could probably try to form a question. A word. But I have nothing that will come out.
“What do you mean?” I am finally able to whisper. “What do you mean?” I ask, repeating myself. I’m not quite sure what else to say in the moment. My entire being is shocked, rocked, completely unstable.
“I asked them what I could do to keep the casino. It was either pay them back or make them an offer they couldn’t refuse.”
Shaking my head, I stare at him, unsure that he’s just said what he has. “So you decidedI, a whole person, was up on the table for grabs?” My voice is coming out barely above a whisper. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
My mother decides that this is a good time for her to take a step forward. She moves around from behind me and stands in front, her eyes bright and her lips turned up into a fake smile. It’s one of those smiles she plasters on when my grandma comes over and she has to pretend not to hate her.
“They asked if we had a daughter who was a virgin. The debt would be gone if you were willing to marry one of their men. I knew you were, and you’re not getting any younger. It’s a great deal, Claire.”
I cannot believe my mom’s words. I can’t believe she’s just said what she has to me. Not only is she announcing my virginity to the whole world, these strangers, my father, everyone, but she’s acting like this is a good thing. Like I should be happy about this.
“Marrying me off like this is some kind of medieval aristocracy thing in which you need me to secure your lands. What the actual fuck?” I demand.
My mom doesn’t say anything right away. Her lips still curved up into her faux smile, but my dad spins around, taking a step toward me. He slides his tongue along his bottom lip, inhaling a deep breath, then lets it out slowly.
He starts to speak, but it’s my mom who does. “Don’t be difficult, Claire. Don’t be a selfish little bitch. You want us to be killed because we can’t pay these people back? We’ve given you and your siblings a life of luxury. It’s the least you can do to pay us back for all we’ve done foryou.”
I open my mouth but don’t get any words out. She lifts her hand and slices it through the air before it lands on my cheek. A hard slap, but I’m used to that. I’ve received these slaps my entire life. Turning my head back to face her, I bite the inside of my cheek again.
I don’t know what to say. My cheek is pulsing. She shouldn’t make any sense at all, not an ounce of it. But there is a little something that niggles in the back of my mind. It does make a little sense, and I hate that.
