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“That’s because we never talked about it.”
“Not at all?”Surprised, Elise sat up in her chair.“I know you said earlier that you didn’t discuss it again, but it just seems like something you would talk about with the love of your life.Did you not speak about the future?”
“Of course we did.”Maureen explained to Elise how she and Adam both spoke about the future, without really speaking about the future, almost as if they were planning dream lives with no basis in reality.They discussed how they would split their time between Cedar Springs and exotic cities in Europe like Paris or London.They’d have a nanny to care for all eight of their children while the two of them dined at the best restaurants and shopped for designer clothes.They never once spoke about their careers or what they would do for work or money.It was a lark.A fun game they’d play when Maureen was lying in Adam’s arms after they made love.
“It was silly,” she told Elise.“But it just seemed easier than talking about the hard stuff.We were young, and I guess I was naive in thinking that if I ignored it, the problem would just go away.”
“They never do.”Elise shook her head and pressed her lips together.“No matter how much we’d like them to.I played that old game myself long ago.”
“Ignoring reality?”
Elise laughed.“Oh yes.Only maybe it was worse because instead of just ignoring reality, I would find myself making up a very pretend world.”She sighed deeply.“Our imaginations can be quite powerful.”
Maureen sat back and let her continue her own story.
It took Elise a moment, but then she once more started talking.“I told you that Alex’s greatest gift to me was allowing me to have a close relationship with Susan.”
Maureen nodded.
“Once I moved down into town, I was closer to them a lot more and often got the chance to babysit.But…there were a few occasions when I babysat Susan in their home.”
Maureen took a sharp breath, realizing where Elise was going with her story.“You didn’t?”
“I did.”She nodded once.“When I was alone with the baby in their house, I could pretend that it was my house that I shared with Alex, and little Susan was mine.I never went so far as trying on clothes or jewelry, but when the baby was asleep, I’d walk around the house talking to myself and…well…I did say that our imaginations could be quite powerful.”
“You did.But…that must have been so painful.”
There was a tear in Elise’s eye as she nodded.“But it was as close as I was ever going to get to being married to Alex.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes, respecting the pain of unrequited love from so long ago.
“And then one day, Alex came home unexpectedly and caught me talking to myself in the kitchen.After that, I never did it again.Alex never said anything, and thankfully I was still allowed to babysit.But…it never felt the same pretending after that.”
“That must have been so hard.”
“It was a difficult time.”Elise took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and then once more picked up her crochet project.
“What are you making?”
“A blanket.Susan’s daughter is expecting.”
“That’s so exciting.“I’ve very recently become a grandmother myself.It’s amazing.”
“It has been a true blessing to have Susan and then her daughter, Charity.Now…” Elise’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears.“So wonderful.”She fingered the cream and yellow blanket, examining it for a moment before resuming her stitches.“Although I fear I won’t finish.”
“When is she due?I’m sure you have time.”
Ignoring the question, Elise continued.“The children have been such a blessing in what could have been a very lonely life.Alex was very generous with allowing me to be part of it.I can’t imagine life without them all.”
“Alex must have loved you very much.”
Elise didn’t speak for a few minutes, but Maureen didn’t miss the tear that slid down her cheek.She was about to apologize for bringing up such a sensitive topic when Elise spoke again.
“Tell me how it happened.”
“How what happened?”
“That he went to Africa and you did not.”
