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“I know.” He pushed between my knees and waited. The pause was unsettling. Vin never hesitated.
“Why did you call me here?” I asked, quickly losing the battle with my control.
“I want to fuck you. I want to bury myself in you until I forget my name. I want to feast on you and make you come over and over until your body aches, and you beg me to stop.”
“And yet you hesitate,” I retorted. This felt different somehow.
He dropped his head, chin resting on his chest, eyes closed. “How many times can we do this?”
“You tell me.” Being with him only made me want him more. It was a never-ending circle of harm, and every time we got close, we left more damage.
Every time I left, it got harder to.
But how could I justify putting my own needs above my people. Above the war. We were too complicated.
“I’m sorry. I should have never shown myself to you that night,” he whimpered, sorrow bleeding into his tone.
Confusion had me back on my feet, chest to chest. “You told me it was an accident. You chased something onto my land.”
“I had to see you. I didn’t mean to get so close.” His sorrow was evident in his tone, and pain laced his breathing, but he wouldn’t look at me. “Maybe if I had stayed away, you would have never realized.”
“Would you have gone through this whole life that way?”He was older than I was. He knew what our soul tie was before I even had a name for the tie. For the string I felt every time I was alone. I might have gone the rest of my life not knowing what the feeling was, but he knew. He knew I existed in the world. I wasn’t sure if I could have stayed away with the same knowledge.
“I should have.” His hot breath fanned across my chest.
“The fates are cruel. Maybe in the next life, I’ll be born in a more appropriate form.” We’d gone round and round and round. These conversations were the opposite of an aphrodisiac. If there was a way to do this without causing my death, I would have. But there wasn’t a path forward without risking death, and I couldn’t leave my people. Not yet. There was so much to do.
“Stop with that fucking nonsense,” he snapped.
“It’s not nonsense, Vin.” It was the only thing that kept me going most days.
“Please refrain from using my name as you do.”
“Vinkettin,” I let the old name part my lips like a gasp. The way I’d call it out as he made me come. He knew the tone.
“I see you’ve returned to kill me.” He seemed resigned. Better for me.
“I’m not going to live past thirty. We both know it. Have faith for a happier ending next time is all I have.”
“You’ve used that excuse before. The last time you ran away from me. You don’t know that for certain. You’re quoting the words of a mad woman,” he said, still not pushing me away. Chest to chest. A challenge, a fight. We were always in a fight.
Loving him was a massacre.
We left each other bloody every time we touched each other’s lives.
It always had been that way.
“I believe them, even if you do not.”
The witch’s words burned in my ears.
He will come and change the tide of the war.
He will feed the people and rebuild our power.
Wait for the gray wolf to break the chains and escape the ruin humans have made of the pack.
Lift him up, for his days are limited.
