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So wrapped up in her own thoughts, trying to sort through her emotions and the lingering responses in her body, Maria didn’t even notice how he’d tensed.
16
Why did he do this to himself?
After a sleepless night, Rick was not feeling up for his usual morning workout. He forced himself to go down to the pool anyway. Asking himself the same question over and over while he was swimming at least felt more productive than doing it while sitting on his couch staring at the wall. He’d been beating himself up ever since he realized Maria hadn’t been as into the scene as he’d thought, as into it as he had been.
While he’d been congratulating himself about finding the perfect woman and thinking about a future with her, he’d really just been setting himself up for rejection. Maybe he’d pushed too fast. Too hard. Maybe she hadn’t been as ready for everything as he’d thought, not as into the scene as he’d thought.
Or maybe she was just running scared. Some people did that when they encountered something overwhelming.
Either way, he realized he’d done exactly what his friends had warned him about. He’d built something up in his head that wasn’t there, romanticizing the encounter and garnering expectations from it based on nothing more than his own desires. Rick had never considered himself to be a romantic. Obviously he was wrong.
Obviously he was an idiot.
Small consolation that it also meant Olivia was finally wrong in her advice. He really wished she’d been wrong when it came to someone other than him.
Breaking through the water, Rick pulled himself out. Today was just about working out and hopefully exhausting himself so tonight he’d be able to get some sleep. That he’d be able to close his eyes without Maria’s face, her body, her responsiveness popping into his mind, because the second that happened he started questioning all of his observations. Because once the scene was over, she’d changed. She’d been silent on the way home and when he’d walked her up to her door, he’d given her a kiss on the forehead. His way of saying goodbye.
Rubbing his towel hurriedly over his face, he didn’t even admit to himself that he was trying to get out of there before she got to the pool. While he wasn’t going to change up his routine over this, he wasn’t going to linger to chat with her either. He didn’t want to hear any careful explanations about why she wasn’t interested in dating him, why it was too much for her.
Hell, he just wished he could forget it had ever happened. This was what he got for not following his own rules and trying something with one of his neighbors. He’d known from the beginning what he was risking, and he’d decided to do it anyway. Lesson learned.
“Rick?”
Fuck. Taking a deep breath, Rick dragged the towel down and turned to face the one woman he really didn’t want to see right now. She was earlier than usual, but if he’d just been a couple of minutes faster he could have avoided this.
“Hey, I was just heading in,” he said, sliding his feet into his flip flops as he swung the towel over his shoulder. Trying not to notice how fucking gorgeous she looked or the fact that she was wearing his favorite red bikini. Trying not to remember what the paler skin under her bikini looked like.
Instead, he focused on how nervous she obviously was, her fingers clutching at each other in front of her as she shifted her weight back and forth on her feet. Her wrists showed the faintest signs of being a bit red where she’d been restrained last night and had tugged on them while she writhed—no, stop it. Not going there.
“Oh... Um.... I thought maybe we should talk...”
“It’s fine. Nothing to say and I’ve got things to do.” He hated the brief hurt that flashed across her eyes, but he couldn’t deal with the ‘let’s just be friends’ talk right now. Maybe in a couple days when looking at her didn’t hurt so much. It wasn’t her fault he’d gotten things built up in his head but letting go of all those stupid little dreams was more painful than he’d realized it would be, especially when he was face to face with her. In a few days he could face her, be civil and even friendly with her, but not today. Not when seeing her made him feel like his nerve endings were scraped raw. “I’ll see you later.”
There. That way she knew that eventually they’d hang out. Just not right now. Rick gave her as much of a smile as he could, knowing it was fake as hell looking, and walked away as quickly as he could while she blinked and looked confused. Probably she’d been expecting some kind of confrontation, he thought as he went through the men’s room and out towards the apartment building. Maybe some kind of deep heart to heart. Okay, maybe not that at the pool, but at least some kind of conversation or whatever.
Not today. Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe never.
It felt like there was a fist in her chest, and it was squeezing the shit out of her heart.
Maria slowly set down her pool stuff, blinking back tears. There were enough people around the pool that she didn’t want to go running back out, making Rick’s rejection plain to anyone who happened to be watching. Thank God she was wearing sunglasses.
He hadn’t been. And his eyes had been as icy and cold as his last name.
What had she done wrong? What had changed between last night and this morning? He’d been so caring, so attentive last night... he’d asked if she wanted to go to dinner, and then he’d dropped her off at her door with a sweet, gentle kiss to her forehead...
She’d only gotten a few hours of sleep last night after her body had wound down from the intensity of their scene at Stronghold and she’d spent hours thinking through everything that had happened. It hadn’t taken her too long to realize that yes, she’d been a bit high on pleasure and declaring undying devotion to Rick was definitely not where she was actually at emotionally, but she definitely felt a lot for him that went beyond mere affection. Their attraction to each other had led to explosively hot intimacy and she could only imagine actual sex would be even better.
But maybe after the scene he’d had time to sit and think too... maybe he’d been high on the chemistry but had ultimately decided he didn’t want her for whatever reason. After all, he’d asked her to dinner right after the scene. Maybe after they’d both come down from the high, he’d realized she didn’t actually have what he wanted. Needed.
The Introductory Scene hadn’t been much like she’d imagined. Sure, she’d been spanked—and it had been pretty hot—and he’d teased the hell out of her before letting her orgasm, but that definitely didn’t encompass everything that was possible. Had he tried to do anything she didn’t like? Sitting on the pool chair, she cast her mind back, trying to think.
Some parts of the night were a big blur. She couldn’t remember everything. But she trusted Rick had taken care of her through that. If she just knew what he wanted from her now, she was more than willing to try. Heck, she’d been half out of her mind last night... if she hadn’t been able to do something for him...
There was no way she was chasing after him to find out what though. She didn’t think she could do it without crying and she sure as hell didn’t want him to try again with her out of pity or guilt or something.
